My recent attempt to educate Potty Mummy in the art and science of the Geordie dialect reminded me of something I wrote in an earlier lifetime. Thanks to Lakeland Jo, with whom I used to work way back in the 80's in London, this masterpiece has been preserved. She obviously knew I was destined for literary fame and fortune. (I'll be sure to let you know when that happens!)
Anyway, this seems to be an end-of-year ditty, which I should have posted before Christmas. I will post the Geordie version now and the proper English will appear when you've all had a chance to translate this one. Again, no prizes because I know you'll just all go and ask Lakeland, Clippy Mat, Hadriana or Stinking Billy for the answers:
It's me ageeyan hinnies, A bet yiz forgot
It's Buggerallmoney - d'yiz care or wot?
Av had a bad year - yiz wouldn't believe
A just hoowop next year's got nowt worse up its sleeve
Forst there woz wor lass; she chucked iz in June
Am alreet noo, but a woz a bit doon
Iz everyone sez, there's more fish in the sea
But somehoo neebody fancies me
Then, a gorra black eye in a fight
A smacked someone's gob, hell's bells worra sight
A didn't desorve to be hoyed in the cells
Ind me mam fund oot - someone alwiz tells
Me mam hoyed iz oot so A kipped at me meeyat's
He was deed good ind helped iz get streeyat
Noo Av gorra flat of me oowan
Am alreet for spon; Av peeyad off me loowan
Am chuffed last years' ower A woz gettin a bit sick
it's teken it oot iv iz, even tho' Am thick
Al hev a gud Christmas ind treat mesell well
A suggest yiz al dee the seeyam iz well.
Mind how yiz gan noo.
(Please don't tell my mother as I'm still not allowed to talk slang!)