Sunday, July 11, 2010

Attention Family Members

- When I say I'm going upstairs to dry my hair (before I take on the look of Kate Bush, and not in a good way), it means I will have a loud, electrical device blasting hot air an inch from my ear and I won't be able to hear no matter how loud you get.

- When the phone rings at 8.30am at the weekend, please remember that I will probably have been up for at least thirty minutes, there will be a load of rank clothes in the washer, another load folded and ready to be put away (ha - in my dreams) and I'll probably also have checked my e-mail and made the bed. DO NOT inform callers that "Mom's still in bed". Not that I have anything against enviably lucky people who can sleep past 8am, I just want people to know the truth about my life. At least as far as the time I get up is concerned.

- When I ask you (kids) if you have your phone and key before you leave the house, it's usually because I might not be in when you choose to return. I'm a mother, I'm looking out for you. Lose the 'tude.

- When you return and find a) no one at home, and b) you haven't in fact got your key, please keep in mind the aforementioned scene. It's not my fault that you said "Yes" without checking your pockets, nor am I to blame for the fact that you now have to sit on the doorstep for half an hour. And no, I will not come back early.

- When I choose not to come and watch yet another baseball game, it's not because I want some "me" time. I have just spent a week in London on my own; I am fully aware that my "me" bank is deplete, if not in the red. It's because there's a house to run, a dog to walk, blogging to do and food to buy.

Please sign below to indicate your full understanding of the above.

Thank you.



  1. l do, l DO understand..
    saz x

  2. 8 at the weekend??? That's just wrong.

  3. Brilliant list! Hope they take note!

  4. My husband locked me out of the house last week and I am a grown up.

  5. Welcome home!
    I was up at 6.45 this morning - a Sunday!!! That's one thing I'll never get used to as a mother.
    Totally agree on the baseball thing and am hoping my kids don't want to play it.

  6. 100%
    Un-gracious children wanting to pull us in every direction for their own benefit And wanting a fridge full of food to boot!!

  7. Baseball is a sport with waaaay too many games in a season. My kids are toddlers but I'm thinking that I'll steer them towards chess. I already have the equipment.

  8. And finally, if the door to the bathroom is shut and I'm in it, and you can't hear the shower running, there is a likely reason for this. Think it through. I do not like dispensing advice on where your school shoes are likely to be or running through the menu for tea when performing certain bodily functions. Particularly not if it is necessary to grunt the answer.

    There are moments when even mummy needs some space.

  9. I so know that 'tude. Drives me crazy! Did you get them all to sign it then?

  10. Oh I can so relate to the key and phone thing. We have a spare key hidden and quite often he relies on that spare key rather than actually making sure he has his own. He pulled that rubbish one night when he had been out with friends. At 11:30 at night I heard someone rummaging around the outside of the house and it was him searching for the key. He got a good tongue lashing that night.

  11. I haven't even bothered showing it to them. What's the point eh?
    At least I can comfort myself with the fact that the 7 year old has stopped actually trying to see under the door when I'm sitting on the loo! Sigh!

  12. The phone always goes when I have retreated to loo - generally with good book and I can here the immortal words on my 10 year olds lips -"She's in the loo" - no better introduction to complete telephone strangers - how they must chuckle in that call centre in India!

    Am also puzzled by the fact the Drama Queens all seem to view telephone clamped to ear and my lips moving as a signal that they should start an indepth conversation with me, generally beginning with words like "Dad says it's ok if I get a piercing" or "Can my 6 friends stay over?"

  13. This sort of stuff is just constant in a house with kids. Is it because we over-nag that they tune us out? I have no idea.

    I've got a post over at mine today inspired by you. You'll see what I mean... ;)

  14. WHAT?! It's not going to get easier. I need a drink....

  15. Love it! You can neve have to much me time though. I wish I had more time with you in London. Next time.

  16. Ha! I hope they signed. Liked the bit about the keys and phone ;-)


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