This is lifted somewhat from a post I did before my son's last birthday, but it's even more fitting around this time of year. Feel free to forward it to friends and relatives as needed.
PEOPLE - if you're buying gifts for children who aren't your own, here are a few big, big hints:
- don't ask a parent what the child is interested in, then completely ignore all suggestions. It may come as a surprise, but parents spend a decent amount of time with their off-spring and tend to know what will be a hit. And there's nothing more irritating for us than spending time e-mailing suggestions, to have them all completely ignored.
- don't harrass said parent into giving you a list within 24 hours of receiving your e-mail/phone call. Parents are busy, and they may even have to have a few sneaky conversations with the child to determine what would be a good gift suggestion
In fact,
- do ask the parents for input before buying anything. The child may be in need of an umbrella, which can be a fun gift to buy; perhaps they have just been given a new sleeping bag, which sounds like the ideal gift, but you really only need one.
- don't buy age-inappropriate gifts. If you're buying for a 5 year old, no matter how "verbal" or intelligent s/he is, a toy designed for 6-8 year olds will probably be beyond his/her developmental ability, which will in turn lead to tears and tantrums from the child as they struggle to "play" with it, and pissed-off parents who have to cope with the aftermath. It's not a compliment to buy toys that are meant for older kids, nor will they "grow" into them without first being very upset that they can't use them right now.
- do wrap the presents before sending them. Small children are usually around when you open parcels, and cannot be trusted not to go after them even when you've told them it's not for them, and "hidden" them on a high shelf. A wrapped present, at least means that they might not rip the paper off. And sending unwrapped gifts also means that someone else will have to wrap it nicely for you. Come on - unless you're having something shipped directly to the child's house, and have notified the parent beforehand, wrap the damn thing up.
- don't buy crap. Buying cheap gifts is insulting to anyone, but when something breaks within ten minutes of coming out of the wrapping paper,small children tend to become slightly hysterical. In my opinion, parents are within their rights to explain to their children that the gift was "not made very well", even if there is a risk that this will be repeated to the gift giver at the first opportunity. Should this happen, parents should simply look the offending adult firmly in the eye and say "It broke almost immediately". You, the parents, shouldn't be the ones apologising.
- do exchange something that is broken or unsuitable yourself. If a child simply wants something else, then no, the gift giver shouldn't have to exchange it.
- do send the gift on time, if you're important to that child. Usually, small children have no concept that their godparent has forgotten to send a gift on time, but if you know that the child will remember, at least phone up on the day and tell him/her it's on its way.
- do make sure it will ship. There's nothing worse than a present arriving in the mail that's shattered beyond repair. The parents can't really ask you to get another one, and might end up having to fork up for a replacement if the child is particularly distraught. I realise that ham-fisted parcel delivery people may be to blame, but pause a second before buying the gift in the first place, and ask yourself "Will this arrive in one piece?"
- do attach a gift receipt if possible. In the US, you're nearly always offered a "gift receipt" when buying something. This allows the recipient to exchange it if they want something else, it doesn't fit or they already have the item. The gift receipt doesn't state the cost of the item, although that will be discovered if and when they exchange it for something else.
- don't eschew money. I used to pride myself on always being able to come up with good gift ideas, but as children (particularly boys) get to the 10-14 mark, it becomes more and more difficult. Besides, they're usually saving up for something and are grateful for the cash. I-Tune gift cards are a great alternative too.
- do be polite about the whole Christmas thing. If you're really too busy or disinclined to buy presents, think of a way to explain this nicely. "I can't be bothered this year", or "It's too much hassle", however true, are quite the insult.
- do discuss any changes in tradition before enforcing them unilaterally. If you've decided you're only buying for kids under 10, or only buying one gift for the entire family, have the decency to let people know, or even discuss the issue, before December 24th.
If I've missed anything, please feel free to add to my list.
.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Here's Yer Hat, What's Yer Hurry?
Well, I'd be remiss to let the Pond Parleys brou-haha go by without some sort of general comment wouldn't I?
As mentioned in the previous post, I have spent a good deal of this week engaged in a ridiculous fight on my other blog. Posting about Thanksgiving, I happened to state that I found the American green bean casserole “bloody awful”. It was the closing line and not meant to be particularly provocative. Unfortunately one commenter (obviously with “issues”) took me to task, Quote - "I feel true compassion for Expat, as it's clear that she is unhappy in America and hasn't really acclimated. That must be a difficult situation to live with." I was also admonished to adapt to American ways with good grace. (Who knew you could get all that from a vegetable preference?) Normally I rise above this sort of drivel, but since she was a repeat offender, I respectfully suggested she visit blogs that were more palatable to her.
The very next day I was reading Alpha Mummy, to find a comment thus “Why are you boring us with this?”. Hello! The clue to the blog content can be found in the second word - “Mummy”. It would be safe to assume that the topics would, at least from time to time, cover the offpsring of such persons. Bored person - If all things to do with children bore you rigid why are you reading the blog? Do you read motorcycling blogs and tell ‘em to grow up or preach to them about safety issues too?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for healthy debate and I often weigh in on discussions where I disagree with the original post or article. I have even been known to shift my position on certain topics having read a reasoned argument for the other side. However, I tend not to read pieces about how to get your baby to sleep through the night. Been there, done that, had the t-shirt peuked on, and probably couldn't add much in the way of helpful comments. If there had been a blogosphere when I was single (were there even computers?) I’m sure I would have enjoyed the singles blog scene. Now, not so much.
So people - Let’s start making sensible decisions. If you’re not interested in a particular blog, - fantastic. Whatever floats your boat. Just step away and stop bloody whining about it.
As mentioned in the previous post, I have spent a good deal of this week engaged in a ridiculous fight on my other blog. Posting about Thanksgiving, I happened to state that I found the American green bean casserole “bloody awful”. It was the closing line and not meant to be particularly provocative. Unfortunately one commenter (obviously with “issues”) took me to task, Quote - "I feel true compassion for Expat, as it's clear that she is unhappy in America and hasn't really acclimated. That must be a difficult situation to live with." I was also admonished to adapt to American ways with good grace. (Who knew you could get all that from a vegetable preference?) Normally I rise above this sort of drivel, but since she was a repeat offender, I respectfully suggested she visit blogs that were more palatable to her.
The very next day I was reading Alpha Mummy, to find a comment thus “Why are you boring us with this?”. Hello! The clue to the blog content can be found in the second word - “Mummy”. It would be safe to assume that the topics would, at least from time to time, cover the offpsring of such persons. Bored person - If all things to do with children bore you rigid why are you reading the blog? Do you read motorcycling blogs and tell ‘em to grow up or preach to them about safety issues too?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for healthy debate and I often weigh in on discussions where I disagree with the original post or article. I have even been known to shift my position on certain topics having read a reasoned argument for the other side. However, I tend not to read pieces about how to get your baby to sleep through the night. Been there, done that, had the t-shirt peuked on, and probably couldn't add much in the way of helpful comments. If there had been a blogosphere when I was single (were there even computers?) I’m sure I would have enjoyed the singles blog scene. Now, not so much.
So people - Let’s start making sensible decisions. If you’re not interested in a particular blog, - fantastic. Whatever floats your boat. Just step away and stop bloody whining about it.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Green Bean Barny*
The previous post was half of the post that's up at Pond Parleys. You wouldn't believe the barny* that's going on about it. It's so ridiculous it's funny.
*fight
*fight
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Turkey Day
No, I'm not talking about Christmas. Over in the US of A we have the other Turkey Day to get through before Christmas - Thanksgiving. You'd think it would form a sort of barrier against ridiculously early Christmas ads, but alas it doesn't.
It’s a bit weird being an expat in the US at this time of year.
“Are you going anywhere for the holiday weekend?” usually gets a blank stare from me even after almost twenty years here.
“Oh Thanksgiving” (with emphasis on the second syllable, please note). “No, not really”, I reply to looks of disbelief mixed with pity.
When you’re not brought up with Thanksgiving, or anything remotely like it, it’s easy to miss the gravitas that this “holiday” has. Most of the time it completely sneaks up on me and I run around at the last minute, gathering up other expat waifs and strays for a big meal.
For many Americans however, Thanksgiving is more of a family affair than Christmas. Fortunately we have a teeny family here and we’re seeing them at Christmas so the pressure is off. It also helps that my husband travels a lot on business so the last thing he has ever wanted to do was take a flight at THE busiest travel time of the year with three kids in tow. Flight prices are ridiculous, the airports are packed, and of course the weather is usually at its most unco-operative.
Friends of mine are already fretting about how to make peace with the brother-in-law from hell who got drunk and shouted at everyone last year, or the fact that they are guilted into staying in their parents’ house even though there’s no room for all the kids. Happy families indeed!
This year, for some reason, the Ball & Chain is going berserk and doing the entire meal himself, from scratch. I keep popping my head into the kitchen to see if there’s “anything I can do”, but apparently it’s all under control. So far he’s only damaged one small Pyrex bowl when he tried to make caramel and it went a bit hard. He’s made the cornbread and biscuits (more like unsweetened British scones) for the cornbread stuffing (yee-haw), and has identified his chosen method of brining the turkey, which he will pick up on Wednesday. I will probably end up peeling potatoes like Cinderella, but that’s fine by me.
As long as he doesn’t make that bloody awful green bean casserole I’ll be happy.
To read about the sad tale of an American in the UK at Thanksgiving, pop over to Pond Parleys to read Mike's piece.
It’s a bit weird being an expat in the US at this time of year.
“Are you going anywhere for the holiday weekend?” usually gets a blank stare from me even after almost twenty years here.
“Oh Thanksgiving” (with emphasis on the second syllable, please note). “No, not really”, I reply to looks of disbelief mixed with pity.
When you’re not brought up with Thanksgiving, or anything remotely like it, it’s easy to miss the gravitas that this “holiday” has. Most of the time it completely sneaks up on me and I run around at the last minute, gathering up other expat waifs and strays for a big meal.
For many Americans however, Thanksgiving is more of a family affair than Christmas. Fortunately we have a teeny family here and we’re seeing them at Christmas so the pressure is off. It also helps that my husband travels a lot on business so the last thing he has ever wanted to do was take a flight at THE busiest travel time of the year with three kids in tow. Flight prices are ridiculous, the airports are packed, and of course the weather is usually at its most unco-operative.
Friends of mine are already fretting about how to make peace with the brother-in-law from hell who got drunk and shouted at everyone last year, or the fact that they are guilted into staying in their parents’ house even though there’s no room for all the kids. Happy families indeed!
This year, for some reason, the Ball & Chain is going berserk and doing the entire meal himself, from scratch. I keep popping my head into the kitchen to see if there’s “anything I can do”, but apparently it’s all under control. So far he’s only damaged one small Pyrex bowl when he tried to make caramel and it went a bit hard. He’s made the cornbread and biscuits (more like unsweetened British scones) for the cornbread stuffing (yee-haw), and has identified his chosen method of brining the turkey, which he will pick up on Wednesday. I will probably end up peeling potatoes like Cinderella, but that’s fine by me.
As long as he doesn’t make that bloody awful green bean casserole I’ll be happy.
To read about the sad tale of an American in the UK at Thanksgiving, pop over to Pond Parleys to read Mike's piece.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
The Envelope please...
As I mentioned, I spent a bit of last weekend trying to pull my bloggy socks up. Added the RSS feed widget (still not quite sure about it), tidied up some of the boxes on the left and started to follow people. Not stuff that you'd notice, but enough to make me feel I'm keeping up with the Blogg-Joneses.
Another thing I promised to do was acknowledge a few awards I've received lately. I admit, I'm terrible at doing something with them. As organised as I am on the whole, I am also a bit of a procrastinator. Having painted the kitchen a completely different colo(u)r and re-upholstered a seat cushion in a co-ordinating colo(u)r, I am now acting as if I'm done - despite the 5 yards of the same fabric leaning against my sewing macine, waiting to turn the adjoining family room into a colo(u)r-co-ordinated haven. In my mind I'm done. Can't be bothered to actually sew the curtains (all four straight lines each). Moving on to the next project.
Anyhoo, I am turning my woefully flighty attention to the aforementioned recent awards. Thus:-
Melissa at Smitten by Britain awarded me the Superior Scribbler Award, well, for "superior writing" which is a great compliment given that I'm supposed to be a writer. I have to pass this on to five more writers, which would be:
Tattie Weasle - especially her recent post about her very naughty whippet.
Millennium Housewife - for her no-holds barred, hilariousness, and her fabulous lists.
Postcards from Across the Pond - Mike has a style all his own and never ceases to make me laugh.
Jo Beaufoix - and apparently everyone else agrees as she's just topped the mum blogger list.
Potty Mummy - who also featured on the list and is bravely blogging on while facing a gigantic move from London to Siberia (or somewhere in Russia).
The Superior Scribbler rules are:
Each Superior Scribbler recipient must in turn pass The Award on to 5 deserving bloggy friends.
Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog.
Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.
Moving on:-
Saz at Fat, Frumpy and Fifty gave me the Soulful Award for this blog which I have to say, I was very surprised about. I don't think I have ever been described as soulful, but she also said she was giving it to me because of all the balls I balance in the air. (All smoke and mirrors really.) So, I would like to pass on the Soulful award to Maggie May. I mentioned a few posts ago that she's got a lot on her plate right now but is showing remarkable spirit nonetheless.
Saz also gave me the Kreativ Blog Award for Pond Parleys, which I co-host with author Mike Harling. That's for our "dedication to the unity of bloggers on both sides of the Atlantic".
The Kreativ award I will bestow on the ladies at Mad Manic Mammas. Full disclosure here - this is a group of mums of teenagers (including me) who write funny, moving and informational stuff about their teenagers. It's a great blog to share ideas and generally make sure you're not really going insane in your quest to rein in your offspring.
The Kreativ rules are:
1.Thank the person who gave this to you.
2.Copy the logo and place it in your blog.
3.Link the person who nominated you.
4.Name 7 things about yourself that no one would really know.
5.Nominate seven 'Kreativ Bloggers.
So keep blogging everyone, and if you're not one for awards or passing them on etc. don't worry - I'm the last one who can complain!!
Another thing I promised to do was acknowledge a few awards I've received lately. I admit, I'm terrible at doing something with them. As organised as I am on the whole, I am also a bit of a procrastinator. Having painted the kitchen a completely different colo(u)r and re-upholstered a seat cushion in a co-ordinating colo(u)r, I am now acting as if I'm done - despite the 5 yards of the same fabric leaning against my sewing macine, waiting to turn the adjoining family room into a colo(u)r-co-ordinated haven. In my mind I'm done. Can't be bothered to actually sew the curtains (all four straight lines each). Moving on to the next project.
Anyhoo, I am turning my woefully flighty attention to the aforementioned recent awards. Thus:-
Melissa at Smitten by Britain awarded me the Superior Scribbler Award, well, for "superior writing" which is a great compliment given that I'm supposed to be a writer. I have to pass this on to five more writers, which would be:
Tattie Weasle - especially her recent post about her very naughty whippet.
Millennium Housewife - for her no-holds barred, hilariousness, and her fabulous lists.
Postcards from Across the Pond - Mike has a style all his own and never ceases to make me laugh.
Jo Beaufoix - and apparently everyone else agrees as she's just topped the mum blogger list.
Potty Mummy - who also featured on the list and is bravely blogging on while facing a gigantic move from London to Siberia (or somewhere in Russia).
The Superior Scribbler rules are:
Each Superior Scribbler recipient must in turn pass The Award on to 5 deserving bloggy friends.
Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog.
Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.
Moving on:-
Saz at Fat, Frumpy and Fifty gave me the Soulful Award for this blog which I have to say, I was very surprised about. I don't think I have ever been described as soulful, but she also said she was giving it to me because of all the balls I balance in the air. (All smoke and mirrors really.) So, I would like to pass on the Soulful award to Maggie May. I mentioned a few posts ago that she's got a lot on her plate right now but is showing remarkable spirit nonetheless.
Saz also gave me the Kreativ Blog Award for Pond Parleys, which I co-host with author Mike Harling. That's for our "dedication to the unity of bloggers on both sides of the Atlantic".
The Kreativ award I will bestow on the ladies at Mad Manic Mammas. Full disclosure here - this is a group of mums of teenagers (including me) who write funny, moving and informational stuff about their teenagers. It's a great blog to share ideas and generally make sure you're not really going insane in your quest to rein in your offspring.
The Kreativ rules are:
1.Thank the person who gave this to you.
2.Copy the logo and place it in your blog.
3.Link the person who nominated you.
4.Name 7 things about yourself that no one would really know.
5.Nominate seven 'Kreativ Bloggers.
So keep blogging everyone, and if you're not one for awards or passing them on etc. don't worry - I'm the last one who can complain!!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
This is Who I Am
After almost twenty years in the States I often still feel like a foreigner, and that has nothing to do with the reception I've had here. It's more to do with my frame of reference, or rather, lack of. I've often lamented that I can't say "I have one specially prepared here" (Blue Peter) or refer to "sticky back plastic" (ditto) as no one has a clue what I mean.
Over at Almost American, there is, basically, my childhood in a post. I must say, I knew the actors in the 40s and 50s talked a bit differently, you know, a bit like the Royal Family; but I had no idea it carried over into the 60s. Just have a listen to some of the voice overs.
My Little Guy was particularly interested in the Clangers and StingRay, but on the whole, when I insisted that Americans (ie. husband and teenagers) sit down and watch what I grew up with, they rolled their eyes.
I mean - a weed? Little Weed? WTF?
Over at Almost American, there is, basically, my childhood in a post. I must say, I knew the actors in the 40s and 50s talked a bit differently, you know, a bit like the Royal Family; but I had no idea it carried over into the 60s. Just have a listen to some of the voice overs.
My Little Guy was particularly interested in the Clangers and StingRay, but on the whole, when I insisted that Americans (ie. husband and teenagers) sit down and watch what I grew up with, they rolled their eyes.
I mean - a weed? Little Weed? WTF?
Monday, November 16, 2009
People search for the funniest things
I spent a little time over the weekend trying to become more of a technical blogger. Notice the lovely little RSS feed widget to the right. I have no idea what it's going to do, but a few people have suggested I put one in (or is it "on") so I thought I'd give it a go. It was very easy even for me, but as I said, I'm not exactly sure what it's for.
I have had Statcounter on my book web site for years and I recently stuck it on this blog too. Once you have an account you can add more web sites or blogs, so that was really a no brainer. Besides, I'm a bit nosy and I love to see where people are coming from.
One of the things StatCounter gives you are the keywords people used in the search that led them to your blog. It certainly makes you wonder about some people, especially these ones:
- "gifts for a skinny little Irishman that will make him love me". I'm sorry - I'm completely missing the connection between me and skinny little Irishmen. OK I recently guest posted for Yummie Mammy as she moved back to England from Ireland, but even that's a bit of a stretch wouldn't you say?
- "pattern for hat with fleece dreadlocks". Hmmm, my little guy wears one of them to school now and then, so I'm hoping I don't have a stalker. I'm also a bit of a sewer and I actually have one of those patterns in a cupboard upstairs somewhere. OK, this one is starting to creep me out.
- "I am a woman, hear me roar. I am a mother, hear me purr". First of all, who types something this long as an Internet search? And second, how in god's name did I fetch up in the results? My kids would wet their collective pants if they read that in association with my particular style of mothering.
- "Raingo gutter reviews". I'm almost stumped by this one, except I've just bought myself a new pair of wellies with a smart bit of tweed fabric on the side panel. (Styling for once in my life). It really is starting to look like someone's spying on me.
- "Mean things to say to British people" - and I'm on the list? What have I said? I mentally went back through my recent posts and I swear I haven't said anything mean about Brits. I mean why would I? I'm one myself.
- "Government pharmacist". Apart from the fact that I don't think there are such things in the US, I did spend rather a lot of time last week in one pharmacist or another, getting prescriptions for the gammy shoulder and heat pads. OK, now I know someone's definitely following me around.
If I go missing in the next few days, just remember this post. (I could also have run off to the Bahamas for a bit of a lie-down, but it's unlikely.)
I have had Statcounter on my book web site for years and I recently stuck it on this blog too. Once you have an account you can add more web sites or blogs, so that was really a no brainer. Besides, I'm a bit nosy and I love to see where people are coming from.
One of the things StatCounter gives you are the keywords people used in the search that led them to your blog. It certainly makes you wonder about some people, especially these ones:
- "gifts for a skinny little Irishman that will make him love me". I'm sorry - I'm completely missing the connection between me and skinny little Irishmen. OK I recently guest posted for Yummie Mammy as she moved back to England from Ireland, but even that's a bit of a stretch wouldn't you say?
- "pattern for hat with fleece dreadlocks". Hmmm, my little guy wears one of them to school now and then, so I'm hoping I don't have a stalker. I'm also a bit of a sewer and I actually have one of those patterns in a cupboard upstairs somewhere. OK, this one is starting to creep me out.
- "I am a woman, hear me roar. I am a mother, hear me purr". First of all, who types something this long as an Internet search? And second, how in god's name did I fetch up in the results? My kids would wet their collective pants if they read that in association with my particular style of mothering.
- "Raingo gutter reviews". I'm almost stumped by this one, except I've just bought myself a new pair of wellies with a smart bit of tweed fabric on the side panel. (Styling for once in my life). It really is starting to look like someone's spying on me.
- "Mean things to say to British people" - and I'm on the list? What have I said? I mentally went back through my recent posts and I swear I haven't said anything mean about Brits. I mean why would I? I'm one myself.
- "Government pharmacist". Apart from the fact that I don't think there are such things in the US, I did spend rather a lot of time last week in one pharmacist or another, getting prescriptions for the gammy shoulder and heat pads. OK, now I know someone's definitely following me around.
If I go missing in the next few days, just remember this post. (I could also have run off to the Bahamas for a bit of a lie-down, but it's unlikely.)
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