Saturday, March 29, 2008

That's DR. Leech, if you please

I regularly read UK online newspapers to get a broader spectrum on things. That includes the Daily Mail, or what I have begun to call the Daily Misogynist. Every day they have a photo of some woman who has either dared to age twenty plus years since the 1980's or whose body shows some signs of having given birth a few times. They seem ignorant of the miracles of make-up and persist in showing some dolled up starlet on the red carpet, alongside a photo of same starlet next day in the supermarket looking, - gasp, normal. The only photo they have had in recent days of a man's semi naked torso, was that of John McEnroe and the whole piece was devoted to showing how buff he looked (which he did) and how well he was standing the test of time. I can only assume that the DM office is full of Adonis-types who keep an ageing portrait in the attic.

Anyway, having slammed Demi Moore a few weeks ago for daring to look like a very trim woman in her 40's, they recently ran another piece on her latest beauty therapy, which is helping her to look half her age! (She was discussing it on the Dave Letterman show, which is a late night chat show here in the States.)

The piece begins:
"First shave your body. Then immerse yourself in a bath of turpentine." - and that's not even the worst part. It goes on -

"And when the stinging stops, allow leeches to feast on your blood."

No lie.

Now I know these Hollywood babes take a lot of trouble over their appearances. Heck, if someone would pay me millions to be on the telly or in a movie it might be more of an incentive in the exercise department. But turpentine (ow, ow, ow) - perhaps that's the latest Botox alternative? After all, like many Hollywood folk, Ms. Moore's probably veggie and may have a problem with shooting cow's bum parts (or whatever they are) into her face. I don't know.
Turpentine, on a shaved body, followed by leeches. Is she out of her mind? Apparently, to quote more of the article, these aren't your common-or-garden swamp-dwelling, blood-sucking leeches (although that is exactly what they do). Oh no, thank you very much; according to Ms. Moore,- "...we're talking about highly-trained medical leeches. These are not some low-level scavengers - we're talking high-level blood suckers". What? I know I graduated a long time ago, but can someone tell me when leeches joined the medical profession? Where exactly are these training courses taking place? Has anyone checked out the credentials of the so-called swamp prof who's certifying them? And more importantly is someone out there making sure they are at least getting minimum wage? Because they haven't exactly got a voice. They can't really form a union, demand fair pay and insist on three weeks' off per year now can they?

Ms. Moore apparently goes on to say, "I did it in some woman's house lying on her bed". Some woman's house! Are you serious? Words actually fail me on that one! I am picturing her personal injury lawyers getting ready to sue the pants off the turpentine industry when her skin hardens like a coat of semi-gloss and falls off in three inch flakes. Now, she apparently feels very "de-toxified". Given that these babes eat only raddicchio and swear off the booze, I'm not exactly sure what toxins could have been in there in the first place. With normal people like me, you'd need about a bucket full of leeches to do the job, and then they'd probably start collectively bargaining for time and a half or a hardship payment of some sort.

All one can hope is that perhaps this new "beauty therapy" will jump start her brain at the same time!

Think I'm exaggerating? See the article


  1. Ah, Hollywood:

    "Another key to Miss Moore's youthful looks, which she failed to mention on the show, is the £220,000 she spent on a head-to-toe makeover five years ago."

    And the Daily Mail . . . what would we do without it?

  2. Ooooh, well I will most definitely get into some leach training - do you think they need to be taught 'Sit' and 'Stay' - perhaps I'd better call Barbara Woodhouse!

    Meanwhile I've got the painters in so i'm sure they won't mind if i nick their turpentine and jump into the bath with it.

    God, I'm going to look gorgeous ... Ah, perhaps not, I still need to find the £220,000!

    Damn, Damn, Damn ....

  3. Yes I know but just look at her!! I'm seriously considering a DIY job. l'll risk some untrained leeches - now where do you buy those nowadays?! Or am I going to need my wellies?

  4. Couldn't agree more about the Daily Misogynist! I just KNOW that those DM journalists are overweight with sagging jawlines and thinning hair - and that's the women!
    Still - can't resist looking at their website at least once a day just to see their latest outrageous pronouncements.
    The Demi Moore story is right up their street.

  5. I think we've got an old bottle of turps in the garage.......

  6. I wonder if she was able to write off the £220,000 as a business expense on her tax return?

  7. I saw this on some one else's blog too. It beggers belief!

    And I picked up on the "highly trained medical leeches" like you - highly trained to do what by whom? Don't they naturally suck blood?
    And turpentine? That bit I didn't know. Yuk!
    You are quite right about the Daily Misogynist too.

  8. Obviously I've been remiss by only soaking my feet in white spirit (ex-ballet). Just think what the results would have been like if I'd taken a bath in the stuff!

  9. You may want to pop back to the DM today and read what happened to their female reporter when she went for the leech treatment. Sounds like someone was taking the p' out of dear Demi and probably alot of cash too!!

  10. Yes. Apparently you have to fast for about 6 days beforehand which is why the detox is so successful. Honestly, there's one born every minute!

  11. rolls eyes at what american starlets will do!

    but medicinal leeches are real enough. we saw a dead one in romney marsh last year. for a short while the junior grits were experts thanks to the kiddie rspb explorers club.

  12. Oh how G.R.O.S.S. Doris Day once said, when some reporter asked her how it felt to be middle aged ..
    "It's great when you consider the alternative." Now that's a healthy approach to ageing! M :)

  13. I'm sure you've got it mixed up and the turpentine and leeches is out of Delia Smith's latest short cuts cookery book.

  14. Where do you even GET a bath of turpentine? And isn't that like a fire hazard or something?


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