Thursday, June 5, 2008

Vanity thy name is...?

So there I was last week at a 6th grade Indo-Chinese end of year performance. Since I had been sewing and gardening all day, "helped" ably by my five year old, I was forced to shower and spruce myself up a bit for the event. (Not that I don't shower or bath, I just try to avoid it more than once a day.) Now, when I can be bothered, I clean up quite nicely, and this particular evening I was feeling somewhat flamboyant into the bargain. Even though it was the end of May, coats were still required last week.

I did the usual five minutes of "Why did I chuck out all my clothes last year?" in my closet, then remembered about this dashing "duster" I had purchased last October. Almost as soon as I bought it Chicago was plunged into a 6 month long, frigid winter, requiring ugly parkas and balaclavas for the duration. This coat is very long, looks like suede but is in fact a soft, un-creasable cottony fabric, and gives one a Crocodile Dundee swagger. Fabulous but casual - a bit like m'self. (Sorry - I know you could see that one coming a mile off.) Several people commented om my "cool coat" and even the teenage daughter liked it. It has a fabric belt around the waist, but since I had left the coat unbuttoned, for maximum sweeping effect, the belt was hanging down the back, itself looking quite cool.

Just before the performance started, I popped to the loo. Now since it's at least three decades since I wore dungarees (overalls here), I was out of practice on the strap strategy. Without putting everyone off their food, I picked up the coat tails, as you do when you sit on a loo, but completely forgot about the long dangling belt - the ends of which went straight down "S" bend. Fortunately I didn't pee on them, but was left with two dripping wet (and now much darker) belt ends. I squeezed as much water out of them with paper towels, blew a bit of air on them until there was a mild burning smell, then had to resort to shoving them in my pockets, thus ruining the whole effect.

That'll learn me.

21 comments:

  1. "6th grade Indo-Chinese end of year performance"?? What happened to badly-acted versions of Jack & The Beanstalk, with wooden sets that fall over every ten minutes?!

    PS Thanks for the plug for britoutofwater.com!

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  2. At least you didn't smell.

    Many years ago I was on my way to the theatre (small - theatre in the round in a local suburb), when I had the bright idea to stop for gas (petrol).

    When I pulled the nozzle out of the pump, quite a bit of gas/petrol splashed on my shoes, and trouser leg. In my hurry, I ignored it. Once seated I realised how terribly I smelled of gasoline. The unfortunate individuals sitting close to me realised the same as well.

    Thank goodness there was 'no smoking' permitted in the theatre.

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  3. Noooo! That would have been me too! The last post I read of yours before my broadband blew up was a scary account of bum-biting loos... it wasn't one of those,was it?!

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  4. No chris, but there defintiely seems to be a theme developing here. Must get out more, must get out more.

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  5. I wanted to say Noooo! too, now I look mad and copy cat, but I thought it honest. That coat sounds utterly stealable but, I have to ask, are you obsessed by public loos or what!

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  6. There does seem to be a trend here doesn't there? I recently read Maggie May's posting of her loo experience and it obviously set me off again.

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  7. Now don't you go blaming me!
    There are many good posts written about loos! Need to go away again & get a few new experiences!
    As for dropping belts in loos.... well! I would have rolled it up & left it somewhere I think!

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  8. Apart from the wet strap part, hooray for you for making an effort! I'm always making a mental note to "get some cool clothes" but it never seems to happen.

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  9. Yes but it's so rare for me, I forgot I had it! Pathetic!

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  10. Don't, you're making me cough, just like Swearing Mother did.
    That's so funny...sorry I mean terribly unfortunate.

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  11. Hi,
    Continuing the loo theme - Just been to see some Roman loos (plus Hadrian's Head which was NOT stuck in a loo) over at Segedunum (Wallsend)...just feel lucky that you have one cubicle privacy. The Romans used to ablute en mass...then your coat debacle would be front page news!

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  12. Isn't the time capsule video thing at Segedunum amazing? I was born in Wallsend, for some reason. And yes, those loos wouldn't been something else, although a lot better than what came next - ie. mud huts and no loos at all.

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  13. Hahahaha! I guess it was fortunate that you didn't have to "do a brown one" which would have given you even more work! hahaha
    Pass by my Blog - you have a "Good Heart" award to pick up in my new post! :)

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  14. expatmum, I've heard about the unions over there, the teamsters and averything, so it's a good thing nobody from the cludger cleaners of chicago saw you trying to take the shirt off their backs by buffing up their bog with your posh coat. I suppose you'll have to go back and stick the whole thing down to match the colour so do be careful now - remember what happened to Jimmy hoffa..

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  15. Thank got for machine washable clothing. I don't think there's a union for that yet - unless it's Mothers Unite.

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  16. Can't even spell the word - "god". Heathen that I am.

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  17. Yes the loo theme - I think it's kind of important in British culture! Here's a another true story: A friend of mine lost her hard lens when it fell into the loo (after she'd done a No.2) and she had to fish it out.... Apparently after much washing she put it back in her eye. Better stop here. I could tell much worse stories...

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  18. OMG! My question would be how did the contact lens get in there. What on earth was she doing?

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  19. Oh dear me! We do seem to inhabit the same life.

    I didn't even know that a duster was a duster until a couple of years ago when I bought one myself - fortunately mine has to 'ties.'
    Cheers

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  20. Oh no! Is it ruined?

    And I have to ask... what in the world happened during that show?

    emiglia
    http://travelday.today.com

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  21. Can't remember - too upset about the duster!

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