Right, enough of that sappy stuff - something is getting on my nerves.
Like everyone, I get my fair share of junk mail, despite the filter on my e-mail thingy. (What I would like to know is how some perfectly safe people end up filtered out, while the scum of the earth manage to get through?) Given the market research that many of these companies do, I seriously wonder how they pick me. Do they really think I would be interested in half the stuff on offer. Viagra? I know I moan about the Ball & Chain, but really!
Here's a list of some of the junk that's reached me this week:
From Skin Doctor - "Don't let acne destroy your face". Excuse me? I said I had something dodgy going on on the left eyelid, but it's an allergy and nothing more. And besides, how did they know I was going to the dermatologist? They've obviously been wasting time reading blog comments instead of doing proper market research.
From Dr Suzanne Gudakunst - "The reason why you're fat". Excuse me again? I was so insulted by this I didn't read any further. Seriously, most overweight people know they're overweight and also know it's caused by more calories in than out. I don't consider myself a member of the overweight category, even though I am known to have the odd (okay more than odd) moan about the damage that three kids has done to my sillouette. Pah!
From LT Cheung - "A Private Message". Erm, don't think so. Thanks all the same.
From NCE (whoever they are) - "Our bad credit Visa card search has your card....". What? I pay my balance off every month and I'm sure my financial institution would let me know if there were problems, especially now. I was tempted to click on this one I have to admit, but knowing my luck, it will definitely be the worst virus known to man, wiping out your hard drive as well as mine, so I resisted.
From USA America - "Do you really know your partner?" Is this a detective agency trying to tell me ever-so-gently that they have been following the Ball & chain to his real job as a cross-dressing, roller-blading waitress at Dairy Queen? Or perhaps from a relationship expert touting for business? I hate to do this to you, but I didn't click on it. We'll never know.
From Andy C - "I need you answer" (sic). I take it he needs me to answer something, but I'm darned if I can remember receiving the question in the first place. Taking advantage of my pre-senior moments, that is.
From Alaka Yusuf Lookman - "I need to be convinced". Of what dear fellow? That we have a woman less qualified than me running for the second highest position in the USA? Again, very tempted to click, just because I like convincing people of things, but I resisted.
From Kaboom - "Never clean your toilet again - guaranteed". There are three males living in this house; the youngest treats the toilet as a repository for anything he no longer has a use for, the middle male forgets to flush on a daily basis and after the senior male has used it, the whole house has to be aired. I'm not particularly house proud but I would rather forgo the Pinot Grigio for a week than leave my toilets uncleaned.
From Hot Singles (oh, them again) - "These hot Singles want to chill with you". Apart from the fact that I just don't have the time, these guys clearly haven't been reading my blog or they'd know that the verb "to chill" doesn't really feature in my lexicon or in my house for that matter.
From Paul - "Hi my name is Paul and I'm one of those Internet guys." You are? Ooh, great. Let me tell you what the problem is - We have three computers in our house and only one is functioning properly. The colour/color printer isn't receiving messages from the one working computer and my e-mail junk filter doesn't seem to filter. Could you come straight over please, and bring your flash drive, or whatever it's called. Fabulous.