Rebate Schmeebate

After several months of frustration, anger, despair and determination, (in that order) I think I have cracked the scam that is the mail-in rebate.

Earlier this year we bought oldest a good digital camera. When I say good, I mean "If you lose it I will throw you out on the streets with just the shirt on your back" good. The specific camera we chose just happened to be on offer with a FREE photo printer. Living with the adage "If it looks too good to be true, it probably is", planted firmly in my head, I questioned the sales person at length about this. Apparently all I had to do to get the full value of the printer back was to send in all the paperwork, plus a bar code that was on the box. I should have sensed impending trials and tribulations but since this was the camera that she had picked, why look a gift printer in the paper tray?

About 6 weeks later, (come on, who sends stuff off straight away?) I set about claiming my $130. Immediately I saw the first trap. The claim wasn't for one amount, but was split into three rebates, thus necessitating three transactions. Three opportunities for something to go terribly wrong. Three opportunities for me to rip the phone out of the wall and hurl it out the window. Gritting my teeth I sent everything off, first having photocopied it as "proof".

In late April I received two e-mails from the printer manufacturer, (who shall remain nameless - I live in the States where litigation is a national hobby remember.) Apparently I had hit the jackpot with one $50 amount as they informed me it was being processed. For the other amount (no mention of the third portion) I had been rejected. Now, given that I sent the same supporting documentation for both claims, how could one possibly have been rejected and the other deemed worthy? After clicking around the web site for half an hour, I finally found a Customer Service number. And here's where the fun started.

There were two options - the first for rebate claim sent in less than 8 weeks ago. Being an honest type, I punched that key, only to be told that rebates take more than 8 weeks. Adios. Click. Have a little patience duckie. I redialed, this time lying my head off and pretending I had sent the claim in more than 8 weeks ago. (Three Hail Mary's and a marguerita, I know.) I was then told that I would be asked a series of questions - and the old Catholic guilt kicked in. What sort of questions? Had I ever lied before? Will you swear on the Bible Mrs. H? What about a lie-detector test? I was really nervous. What happens if you're rumbled by a mail-in rebate customer service rep? To my utter relief, the first question asked for my zip code. Easy - only 5 numbers, which I quickly punched in. Apparently not quick enough as the next prompt informed me that I hadn't done it within the allotted time. I was given a second chance, and apparently their standard of speed is that of light, as I failed again. Fortunately this put me through to a live person. (Tip - When trying to reach a real person, just mess up everything the prompts ask you to do.)

I knew by the tone of his voice that my quest was doomed. I explained the problem, only to be castigated for putting both claims in one envelope. Although he wouldn't come out and admit this, they had processed one and simply thrown the second one out. I asked him if they could just use the information again - it's now all in the system. No, no, and thrice no. I now had to go and find the printer's user manual (in my daughter's room - you have got to be kidding me), photocopy several hundred pages and fax it to them. On enquiring about the third rebate amount, he told me that I should have sent it to a different rebate centre.

"I don't suppose you could forward.......No? Thought so."

It's a this point you start realizing that you're dealing with plankton. Steely resolve kicked in however, and I swore not to give up on the outstanding $80. The rebate world relies on people caving and not bothering to claim the money. By simply ignoring claims they assume that 90% of their customers will break under the pressure. Well, I'm the 10% bucko!

I resorted to the time-worn weapon - a really long, mind-numbingly boring letter demanding to know how, if they tell you that you cannot, under any circumstances, send a duplicate bar code as proof of purchase, they can possibly penalize you for bunging both rebate claims in the same envelope? (I think the original sentence was even longer than that?) I then went on to suggest that this was their way of ensuring that most of the rebates went unclaimed. I also called their attention to the numerous news items that have already been aired on the subject, hinting that I would blow this scam wide open. No need to tell them that it would just be via my blog.

Finally, with no acknowledgement of my stinging tirade, a second and third rebate check plopped through the letter box a few weeks ago. Hurrah for the little person!

Now if they would just call to do one of those two minute customer service phone calls, my satisfaction would be complete.

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