Monday, November 10, 2008

The answer

Sorry if I've kept anyone in suspenders all weekend.

So there I was, about to go to bed. I thought I'd better have a quick pee, to save getting up in the middle of the night (as you do).

Oh no, I can hear you all say. Not another toilet post.

Fraid so. You know I have a loo thing.

Well, as you know little boys aren't always the best at peeing where they should. You'd think, with a 13 year old boy, forewarned would be forearmed, but no. My older boy, when a nipper could often be found standing peeing and reading a book at the same time. There was also the time he stuck the plunger to the wall, was peeing and twanging the handle at the same time, then pulled the plunger off the wall (still peeing). Predictably, he crashed backwards, banging his head on the wall, smashing the porcelain bowl of pot pourri that I had foolishly placed on top of the cistern, and continued to pee. You can imagine the mess. Porcelain shards and pot pourri, swimming in wee, everywhere. I also had pee up the wall and in between the wainscotting planks.
Or the instances where he used the small bin/trash can in his bathroom for "target practice". The Ball & Chain had no sympathy for me whatsoever. Apparently placing a receptacle next to the recpetacle intended for peeing is just asking for trouble.
(Oh yes, the tales I could tell of his antics beat the little one by miles.)


Anyway, back to the back injury. I bent to sit on the seat, made contact and pushed back a bit. (As I mentioned in a past post, when most people sit down on the loo, they tend to sit on the edge then slide back into position. Not many people can hover, parallel to the seat and then just lower themselves.) This time however,I travelled backwards at twice the speed of sound and hit the cistern with alarming force. It really hurt, hence the bad back.

What was infintely worse though, was that the reason for my rapid journey backwards was the soaking wet seat.

"Oh yuck" I wailed.
Ladies in particular will empathize with the feelings of total revulsion when you realize that you're sitting on a wet toilet seat. It almost makes me throw up.

I gingerly stood up, the backs of my thighs from my bum to my knees definitely wet. If this is what I think it is I'm going to have to have another shower, I thought. But wait, the water on the seat was glistening and clear, with no yellow tint at all. I bent down for a sniff (come on, we've all done it) and sure enough. No urine smell. Hmmm.

Then I noticed the tell tale signs of toilet paper remnants floating on the top of the water. When I realised that the cistern itself was soaking wet, as well as the sides of the toilet, I concluded that little guy had been having a Mr Clean moment again. Why he feels the need to get up at night and clean my loo I have no idea and I don't think I want to ask him as he'll probably tell me what he was cleaning off. At least this time he had used water and not toothpaste. Anyway, safe in the knowledge that the wet stuff clinging too me was water, I dried off and hobbled to bed.

It has only just dawned on me that it was toilet bowl water! Agh.

And my back is fine, thanks.

.

22 comments:

  1. hello, funnyface, you didn't really expect anybody to correctly guess the cause of your bad back - be truthful? TV comedy scriptwriters wouldn't dare to submit that as part of a plot, because it just couldn't happen - even in a madhouse. And how could they possibly have dreamt up a little boy like yours? Stay off the hard stuff, pet. ;-)

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  2. hahah, i am laughing at stinking billy's comment.
    it's true. you can't make this stuff up. i want to here more about this kid.
    :-)

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  3. hahah, i am laughing at stinking billy's comment.
    it's true. you can't make this stuff up. i want to here more about this kid.
    :-)

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  4. duh! delete that extra one would you please? and this one.
    :-)

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  5. Indeed, you couldn't make it up.

    Boys and wee and toilets. It's just part of the rich mixture of a parent's life, isn't it? And poo too.

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  6. I think you definitely should be writing a" toilet book" next!
    That was a really funny account. What horrendous messes you have had to clear up.
    Glad your back is not hurting anymore.

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  7. Hahaha hilarious!
    Your little boy sounds like a real character! a future artist of some sort no doubt, given all his excentricities!
    I hope your back pain has gone in time for the next incident!

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  8. icky, icky, icky.........I have a thing about toilets!!

    Gill in Canada

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  9. Older sisters are too much of an influence in our house. The Little Guy still sits down. Should I rectify this or not? Advice needed.

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  10. hahah....ok that has cheered me up! But I hope you are better!!

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  11. Kat - he should probably start standing up before the other guys at school beat him to a pulp. Or he could just pretend he's always having a poop!

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  12. Yuckity yuck yuck yuck re the wet toilet seat!

    I think it would greatly help boys in their aim if they had to sit on a toilet seat now and again, wet with someonelse's pee. Not very nice, but some understanding is needed here!!

    Hope your back gets better soon.

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  13. Funnily enough I've referred to a bit of toilet trouble today, anyway, that is by the by... your boys are going to love you writing about this, aren't they? Just as my other half's going to be thrilled if he reads what I'm telling the world about his parents... and that's me trying to be subtle!!!! Anyway, I'm glad you are in one piece!

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  14. That was hilarious, I go away for a few months, come back to find you're still talking toilets. You described it so well, the thought of it, the sniffing it - we've all done it! x

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  15. Your little fella is a star. Make the most of his cleaning days before he becomes a teenage slob.

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  16. eeewww..that is so nasty! men's restrooms are disgusting, sorry to say.

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  17. Not often I laugh out loud but you had me snorting away here. Lovely.

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  18. I look forward to the day when I can pass the toilet and not have to flush it before I use it!

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