The answer

Sorry if I've kept anyone in suspenders all weekend.

So there I was, about to go to bed. I thought I'd better have a quick pee, to save getting up in the middle of the night (as you do).

Oh no, I can hear you all say. Not another toilet post.

Fraid so. You know I have a loo thing.

Well, as you know little boys aren't always the best at peeing where they should. You'd think, with a 13 year old boy, forewarned would be forearmed, but no. My older boy, when a nipper could often be found standing peeing and reading a book at the same time. There was also the time he stuck the plunger to the wall, was peeing and twanging the handle at the same time, then pulled the plunger off the wall (still peeing). Predictably, he crashed backwards, banging his head on the wall, smashing the porcelain bowl of pot pourri that I had foolishly placed on top of the cistern, and continued to pee. You can imagine the mess. Porcelain shards and pot pourri, swimming in wee, everywhere. I also had pee up the wall and in between the wainscotting planks.
Or the instances where he used the small bin/trash can in his bathroom for "target practice". The Ball & Chain had no sympathy for me whatsoever. Apparently placing a receptacle next to the recpetacle intended for peeing is just asking for trouble.
(Oh yes, the tales I could tell of his antics beat the little one by miles.)


Anyway, back to the back injury. I bent to sit on the seat, made contact and pushed back a bit. (As I mentioned in a past post, when most people sit down on the loo, they tend to sit on the edge then slide back into position. Not many people can hover, parallel to the seat and then just lower themselves.) This time however,I travelled backwards at twice the speed of sound and hit the cistern with alarming force. It really hurt, hence the bad back.

What was infintely worse though, was that the reason for my rapid journey backwards was the soaking wet seat.

"Oh yuck" I wailed.
Ladies in particular will empathize with the feelings of total revulsion when you realize that you're sitting on a wet toilet seat. It almost makes me throw up.

I gingerly stood up, the backs of my thighs from my bum to my knees definitely wet. If this is what I think it is I'm going to have to have another shower, I thought. But wait, the water on the seat was glistening and clear, with no yellow tint at all. I bent down for a sniff (come on, we've all done it) and sure enough. No urine smell. Hmmm.

Then I noticed the tell tale signs of toilet paper remnants floating on the top of the water. When I realised that the cistern itself was soaking wet, as well as the sides of the toilet, I concluded that little guy had been having a Mr Clean moment again. Why he feels the need to get up at night and clean my loo I have no idea and I don't think I want to ask him as he'll probably tell me what he was cleaning off. At least this time he had used water and not toothpaste. Anyway, safe in the knowledge that the wet stuff clinging too me was water, I dried off and hobbled to bed.

It has only just dawned on me that it was toilet bowl water! Agh.

And my back is fine, thanks.

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