Don't get me started

I might just start this up as a tag if anyone wants to join in. Anyway, lately I have found myself adding a comment here and there on other blogs, and finishing with "Oooh, don't get me started".

I'm a typical Brit in that I often see the glass as half empty rather than half full. And having lived for 18 years in the land of the constantly happy people, false jubilance gets right on my you-know-what's. Most people who know me wouldn't describe as particularly curmudgeonly, but there are quite a few things that find me up on a soap box, ranting like a banshee. These include (but are not limited to)

- drivers on the phone. Despite the almost universal ban now on cell phone usage while driving, more than once a day I see some idiot trying to maneovre a huge gas-guzzling car round a tight corner, with only one hand because the other one's holding the cell phone to the ear. Furthermore, the driving hand (if you can call it that) isn't even gripping the wheel securely, but placed flat for maximum spinning ability. If you must talk on the phone, put your ear piece in or use a hands free phone. And don't attempt corners.

- sales assistants who adopt a fake, (and terrible) English accent when dealing with me. Yes, it happens. It's usually young guys for some reason, and I'm sure they aren't meaning to be rude, but I wonder would they do it if I were Bangladeshi or South American. They end up sounding like a cross between the late Queen Mother and a member of the Monty Python team. One of these days I'm going to say something terribly unamused-sounding and see what happens. Who am I kidding - I'd be far too embarrassed to do that.

- my kids when they answer the phone to a number they don't recognize. We have Caller ID fer crying out loud. If you see a toll free number showing up, it means they don't know us and are trying to sell something. (Again I'm too nice to hang up or be rude so I end up pretending to be an au pair.) The 5 year old is learning to answer the phone, which usually makes cold callers hang up instantly. I should encourage his habit.

- fancy tea bags. I ran into a coffee shop this morning to get a much-needed second cuppa. I was faced with a pleasing arrangement of attractively packaged single tea bags yet not one of them seemed to promise a nice, brown beverage. We had African Red Bush, Organic Chai, Alert (which sounded promising last time but had a nasty herby taste to it), Calm (no, don't need that in the morning), Earl Grey (again, not in the morning), and Ginger Blossom (yuch). "I just want a bloody cup of tea" my inner voice screamed. I think I will start carrying my own tea bags round with me in case of emergencies.

- kids who seem to think this house is occupied by an army of fairies. That would include the Take-it-up-the-stairs Fairy, who, yes you've guessed it, flits around the house, gathering all the scattered belongings into neat little piles then takes them all to the appropriate bedroom. We also apparently have the I'll-Just-Borrow-Mom's Fairy, whereby family members see an item that belongs to mother and decide to borrow it without telling her, and better yet, without ever putting it back. Such items include, but are not limited to, ear-rings, hair products, pens from her bag, post-its with her name on, and of course, house keys. Then there's the very clever Mind-Reading Fairy who knows when children need to dress up as Egyptian Phaorohs at a moment's notice, who can divine when teenagers need that specific pair of jeans washed and ready for a specific event, and who puts the $5 bill into the back pocket for the treat/teacher gift/bake sale that mother wasn't told about.

Yes friends, I'm not having a good start to the week. Grrr.

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