Monday, March 23, 2009

The new, matoor me

I am very lucky in that I have never had a mean, creepy or downright nasty comment on my blog, and I thank everyone for that. (Said in best Julian Clary voice).There have been a couple of blog incidents in the past few weeks that have really tested my mettle though. Given that I trawl around other blogs, I suppose it was bound to happen at some point. I visited a blog that isn't on my regular rounds, but is interesting enough to check in on from time to time. I don't always leave comments on the blog, but this time felt I could add a little je ne sais quoi to the discussion. Or not. Ever been virtually sent to the dunce's corner or slapped on the wrists for being slightly off-topic? A bit like getting an "Irrelevant Waffle" in the margin of your History homework. (Come on, it happens.) I think that being off topic was the reason, but maybe that particular blogger just likes to exercise control from time to time. (I'm not going to mention the blog and it's not linked to this one - part of the new, matoor me!)

Then about a day later, I left a brief comment in a newspaper comment box (never could pass up a comment box). There were a lot of comments on this particular discussion, so I went back later to see how they were progressing. Lo and behold, some person had left a one-liner calling me pretentious! I have been called many things in my life but pretentious isn't one of them. If anything, I'd probably be called "down to earth" - a back-handed compliment if ever there was one. Anyway I digress. How could this person possibly conclude, from one sentence, whether or not I'm pretentious? When I looked back on my comment, I could see that it wasn't as clear as it could've been (possibly due to the Pinot Grigio) so I went back and restated it.

So what's your point EPM, you're all saying. Well, back in the day, I would've gone back to the blog or the comment box and done one of three things:-

- let them have it,
- defended my position in an erudite, possibly long-winded sort of way,
or, in the case of the second example
- pointed out that anyone who attacks a person instead of the argument has nothing of value to say.

The new, matoor me however, recognises that if you argue or defend yourself, you validate the other person's comments. Well, actually, I've known this all along, I've just had a bit of a problem putting it into practice.

So in the case of the bossy blogger, that blog will simply never again benefit from my input (now who's being pretentious?), nor will it be linked ot otherwise highlighted in any way, even though many of my readers might find it interesting. And in the case of the idiot in the comment box, I simply ignored what he said and went on to re-join the conversation with enthusiasm and vigour but no reference to his intended insult. What is it they say about young children's behaviour? Ignoring, rather than reacting to, bad behaviour is the way to stop it. Well, ignoring bloggers and commenters who get right on your ta-ta's is the best revenge.

Told you I was matoor.

.

28 comments:

  1. Good for you. I too have just commented on The Times article re women bloggers and agressive comments. I too have been lucky enough to only have well considered and thoughtful advice and would be GUTTED to have an unkind comment, but need to be prepared for it. Not everybody in the world is going to agree with me are they? However, I think rising above a nasty comment and ignoring it is definitely the best way. After all, that is what works best with children isn't it. Lx

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  2. One of my Dad's favourite sayings is "opinions are like a***holes...everyone's got one." Best to ignore them and get on with your life! The blog comments, that is...

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  3. OMG, I thought I was the only one who felt that they'd been bitchslapped by someone who thought that my opinion was either a. off topic or b. had little merit as far as the post was concerned! I'd never leave a hateful or ignorant comment in here EPM, you rock as far as I'm concerned!
    Sandi

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  4. Ha- I try to rock; the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak...

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  5. Usually when I see a nasty comment on a blog it's by an anonymous blogger too, which is doubly annoying. If someone is going to get nasty at least have the balls to have a profile or a blog of their own I say.
    Hope you are feeling okay about it. I know that things like this can make us feel a bit fed-up for a day or two. You are not pretentious. You are a great blogger & a nice person, otherwise we all wouldn't be here.

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  6. Well, you're not pretentious, but you are entertaining. Consider the source is all I can say. How's your back feeling by the way?

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  7. Now that is truly matoor - I am in awe and of course desperate to go the snippy blogger and snip right back!

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  8. There are plenty of nice friendly bloggers out there, who turn a blind eye to the odd off-topic comment (we all do it from time to time), so why worry about the occasional irritable one?

    You are indeed matoor.

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  9. I'm with elizabethm. Who was it? We'll get them...

    (Joking of course. I too am far too matoor to do such thing. For which read; too scared of the come-back)

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  10. I will rise above the temptation to hint at the bossy blogger - if only because s/he could cause some really bad waves.
    I'm actually not hurt by it - I usually get really annoyed and let it bother me for days, but no longer....
    Back - still sore but I'm mobile-ish!

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  12. Love britoutofwater's comment...

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  13. what's matoor??, Im SO out of the loop...

    oh and online newspapers...I have been DENIED my comments (which i thought were frankly well thought out and reasonable) perhaps on the ground they were too sensible...or the fact I live in france? Who knows. Dont take it too personally!

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  14. Every once in a while I find a "real" comment from someone that inadvertently landed in the spam queue, and I hope that they don't think I'm censoring!

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  15. Oh goodness, I've just dashed back to my blog to check that I hadn't said anything horrible to you. I don't think I did, did I?

    I loathe those newspaper comments boxes or message boards because any time I try to contribute I seem to get slapped down by other contributors. I had a truly horrible experience once on the Womans Hour message board when I thought I'd made quite a valid point. Funny how it still niggles when I don't know who the people are that pistol whipped me AND I'm never going to meet them AND in any case it doesn't matter.

    I've always thought of the blogging world as somehow different - supportive, friendly, funny and polite. I would just hate anyone to think I'd been horrible to them on my blog.

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  16. Isn't growing up great? ;)
    You handled it just right, New Matoor You. Back before I grew up (about a month ago in reality), I used to go out all guns a-blazing. It gets you nowhere because usually the person you are arguing with doesn;t have the intellect required to debate - just attack.

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  17. It always stuns me when I read commenters who seem to be so full of hate. Fingers crossed, I haven't had any knock on my blog door by people of this ilk. I blogged last year about this concerning Dulwich Mum:

    http://wwwtheothersideofparis.blogspot.com/2008/05/mums-not-word-for-this-blogger.html


    By the bye, britoutofwater's comment, "One of my Dad's favourite sayings is "opinions are like a***holes...everyone's got one", I heard it last night in a film I was watching, Gardens of Stone, starring James Caan, who played an Army sergeant. He uttered this saying to a guy at a party who was annoying him; he then bashed him up. As one does.

    Back to the point: ignore these tossers, they're the ones who are pretentious and have a problem, not you.

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  18. Screamish - it's just my silly American pronunciation of "mature"!!
    And don't worry everyone - you would have been deleted if it had been you. The deleted comment was a duplicate of mine! I don't think the bossy blogger comments on many other blogs.

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  19. Glad you found my F-16 info relevant enough to pass on to the Queenager!!

    Always happy to help.

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  20. Good for you Expat mum!
    I can't stand people like that who seem to only enter the net to start conflicts with other people... and many of those newspaper comment pages are breeding grounds for those creatures!
    So how wonderful is it that all of us here know and practice great "Blogiquette"!
    Ahh Julian Clary! How I miss "Sticky Moments"!! haha that was a hilarious show! X

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  21. It does seem that some folks feel bolder online and 'say' things they wouldn't actually tell you to your face. I don't feel matoor, I feel like going over to give the bossy blogger a ticking off for hurting you so I must take a leaf out of your book of matooriosity. Glad you're still here.

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  22. PS - I lost a 'follower' the other day and thought of your post on the subject... I didn't have many anyway and now keep wondering what I did!

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  23. Chris - mine went up and down yesterday every time I looked at my blog. Part of a blogger's life I suppose!

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  24. I agree! very British, too. It's like you are saying "that's too nonsensical to be dignified with an answer" but without even saying *that*. Ha! Brilliant!

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  25. Hi there,

    This is a great blog of yours, Your site is veyr informative. I'm also an expat abroad and I have just started my own blog: TheShanghaiExpat. Please feel free to visit and let me know what you think for a link exchange.

    Cheers,
    Nikou

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  26. Hello, I'm Debbie. I'm over from authorblog. Great blog you have here. I will be back. Congrats on the POTD award!

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  27. Hi, I'm Eddie and popped across to say, "Congratulations on David's POTD". I was annoyed to read about that "Pretentious Blogger" for that is what he is. He should be taught the good manners of 'blogging etiquette'. If you are watching, sir, shame on you.
    Best wishes, Eddie

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  28. There is never any reason for anyone to be rude in relation to blog or newspaper comments - it just shows up the perpetrator really.

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