Coming Around Again

Have you noticed how some of the 80s fashions are being seen again? Not quite the Madonna-esque bits of lace hanging everywhere, and more kohl eye liner than the Ming Dynasty, but there’s definitely a hint. If you did it the first time round, you’re probably not able to blithely don your old rags without some moderation. For me at least, it has to be worn differently once you reach a certain age.

Take the resurrection of skinny jeans, which initially caused me to consider a sack cloth as an alternative. Being an apple shape, my legs can still take it, but since there’s more torso these days, a long sweater or jacket is required to balance things out, and definitely chunky boots instead of ballet flats. Posh Spice once said that you shouldn’t wear skinny jeans with flats because they make your legs look like golf clubs, and for once the wee lass was right on the money. And no matter how trim a forty-something is, there’s no mistaking the 40-something derriere. Skinny jeans require a skinny bum. End of discussion.

Then there’s the long top and leggings which reappeared last year. Never having embraced this outfit first time round, I didn’t even think about it this time. Why emphasize thinner legs and a larger bod with that little number? Anyway, it always makes me look like I’ve just given birth. Well, not literally, but like I’m not quite back into my normal clothes. Oh wait, I’m still not back into my “normal” clothes.

And what about the tops slashed and hanging off one shoulder. Initially I thought this was death to older boobies, given that you can’t really wear a bra, but since the fashion is to layer at least two tops these days, some vintage women can actually carry this one off. Although most of us require substantial support to keep the girls aloft, and braless isn’t really an option, (or shouldn’t be, an option), the first layer can easily be a tank/bra if you can get away with one. The thing to avoid is having the inch and a half wide bra strap showing. If you’re ta-tas are large enough to need the industrial bra, then don’t go showing the straps unless you’re at your mammogram appointment.

This year I’m seeing the return of harem pants, another trend I avoided like the plague. I accept that they looked good on a limited number of genetically blessed individuals (usually being paid to wear them in the glossier magazines) but on most people they looked utterly ridiculous. Hang on though, - even though a baby with a full load looks more graceful than harem pant wearers, aren’t they just the outfit for hiding a sagging bum? Hmmm. Might be worth at least trying some on.

Whether your fashion icon of choice was Madonna, the Bangles or Duran Duran, the question remains – What were we thinking? Sadly, at the time, we all thought we were IT, and our clothing was out there and edgy. But looking back folks - WTF?