Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Things We Need to See the Back Of (apparently)

I've subscribed to a new consumer magazine called "ShopSmart;)" - not quite sure why really as I'm not a great shopper, nor even a huge magazine reader. I can only assume the yearly rate was too much of a bargain, coupled with the promise of "consumer awareness". Or something.

In their March issue (hang on, March??), there's a piece about products that changed our lives. Cell and smart phones, Google (if you can call that a product), digital cameras; the usual stuff. More interesting is the sidebar with the top ten products women hope won't survive another decade. Ring any bells? :

Super low-waist pants (ie. trousers) and jeans - Amen to that. You'd think that since the waist expands as one matures, they'd be a blessing but who needs super low waists? Even on the very young, if they have any body fat at all, it comes splurging out over the top and is not attractive. Perhaps everyone will get fed up with looking at fat backs.

Fake tans - I have yet to come across a fake tan that looks natural, doesn't streak and stays on for more than a day and a half. I thought I had found the perfect one last summer (for I am one of the fairer types who needs fake tan even when it's mid-summer) but the Mediterrenean sea thought otherwise.

Reality TV - just shoot me now. I can't think of a single reality TV show that I want to watch. I don't count American Idol as 'reality TV' - it's a competition.

Fishnet stockings - A handful can get away with these, but most of us look like, well, hookers. The few times I've worn then I found them very uncomfortable on the old feet.

Thong underwear - Yuck, but as long as you do your own laundry, whatever floats your boat. In the January mag it warns that "Snug-fitting thongs rub against the vaginal area and can eventally lead to an itchy, uncomfortable build-up of skin called hyperkeratosis". Eeuuww! Thong wearers, don't come crying to me when you get the build-up thingy.

Huge SUVs (4 x 4s) - why people still drive these gas guzzlers..... . It's not even me being green - why drive something that gets you 8 mph? Just stand on the street corner and hand out dollar bills.

Skinny jeans - have to disagree there. As someone with little shape and not-too-fat thighs, I like skinny jeans.

Dark nail polish - not ever being able to get ten nails all the same length at the same time, I usually don't wear nail polish. When my nails are fit to be painted, I can only wear pale colours. I'm way too picky to put up with the imperfections that are more visible with darker polish, but I love seeing tanned hands with dark polish on other women. (The tanned hands are obviously not an option for me.)

Crocs - Yup. I don't care how comfortable they are. They beg the question - Why?

Giant handbags - Giant handbags are a lifesaver when you have carry-on limits. Sometimes I feel like Mary Poppins with the stuff I pull out of mine. It takes about two minutes for airport scanners to identify everything I take on board. They are hell on the old shoulders however. A tip for buying a giant handbag - if it feels heavy before you put anything in it, forget it.

Has this covered everything we'd like to see the back of, or did they leave anything out?



  1. bras that have plastic, see through straps. They have the ability to cheapen any outfit even though they claim to be invisible. Vile.
    By the way I laughed heartily at your warning to all those who sport dental floss for undies.

  2. I was just in the process of thinking about writing a post all about how women in their 40's seem stuck in some sort of zone - I can't wear skinny jeans, but I don't want an elasticated waist band either - who's going to concentrate on us lot?? NEED HELP Lx

  3. I've never worn crocs myself but I have to say the boys love them - they're easy for them to put on, and work for everything from beach to puddles.

    I hate thongs, fishnets and SUVs, but I'd keep the skinny jeans, like you - it's some comfort to have slim legs even if other things are starting to sag!

  4. Thongs & Fake Tans are wrong! Both should be made illegal! :) x

  5. Hipster trousers, fake tans, fishnets,thongs...... ugh! Really naff.
    Anything that shows off a fat midriff! Lets add* short tops* to the list!

    Nuts in May

  6. For those of us in the UK, can we add Gordon Brown to the list please?
    I agree with many of these I have to admit-I agree with you completely on fish nets, thongs and fake tans. Def.
    As an apple shape I totally agree with the 'leave skinny jeans alone'. We thin legged flat bummed people need something to crow about.. and it detracts from the large midrif.

  7. Considering that most "natural waist" jeans come almost up to my boobs, I love low rise jeans. There's no such thing as too many jean varieties, IMO.

  8. Super low waist trousers show half a bum crack on people like me who carry their weight on their thighs (ahem - bum). NOT a good look.

  9. I have a really long torso so they barely cover anything at all!!

  10. I'm not a croc wearer, but like Nappy Valley Girl the boys live in them during the summer. REality TV can go though, as can fishnets, thongs (always hated them). I'd like to see the back of blonde highlights done just so and a certain perfectly coiffered look but that is mainly because I will never manage it.

  11. I agree on the crocs. I saw someone (a Brit) wearing them in minus 15 degree temperatures at the bottom of a ski slope over Christmas. Just what the hell was going on there?

  12. I reluctantly admit that I love crocs. I got a pair of the classic clogs as a "for the beach" gift from my hosts in Australia last Christmas, and they were so comfortable I went on to buy several pairs of the sort that look so much like normal shoes that typically no one notices.

  13. yeah!!! I have huge bags and tiny bags, 100's literally...but have l got one practical one, that will just do, not too heavy, not too full, not too wide, ....

  14. Agree that low waist jeans are HORRIBLE. Why would you want to show everyone underpants each time I sit down. I like big bags.

  15. My two cents on the list:

    They didn't mean super low waist pants - they meant the nasty muffin tops that hang over the top!

    I thought fishnets had disappeared ages ago!? Where have I been? Oh yeah, in Africa. No wonder. I doubt they were ever popular in Ghana...

    Black nail polish - disgusting. Good riddance!!

    Thanks for sharing the list!

  16. Crocs fine for kids, but should be banned on anyone over 11.

    Dark nail polish - well, I only ever wear it on my toes (can't stand the heavy feeling on fingernails), but mine's purple or turquoise. Is that dark? I hate pink with a vengeance.

    Skinny jeans - shut up, all you thin-legged people. I hate you! I've got the chunkiest legs in existence. And I don't even have a waist any more, which I did used to back in the day.

    The rest - yes it can go. I do admit to owning a couple of thongs (the husband likes them) but they're so uncomfortable.

  17. I don't know - with super low waist jeans, I don't care how skinny you are, I really don't want to see your underwear at the back!

  18. Yep, definitely with you on the Crocs (on anybody aged over about eight), but please could we add Ugg Boots too - I don't care how comfortable they are, THEY'RE UGLY AS SIN, EVEN ON GORGEOUS PEOPLE.
    Can't agree re the 4x4s, I'm afraid, I LOVE my Range Rover (and it's one of the safest vehicles on the road, as well).

  19. The thing I don't get about thongs is why wear one? If you want to be that minimalist, why not just wear nothing? Or would that be doing the thong manufacturers out of a job?

    Could I add nose and lip piercings to the list?


The more the merrier....

Blog Archive