Just Who's Patting You Down?

As you may know, Americans are having a collective hissy-fit about the new airport pat-down procedures. In case you've been lucky enough to miss out, we have some bright, shiney, new, full body scanning machines that basically render you stark naked to the screener. Unless there's a fetish for saggy-boobed, waist-deprived women of a certain age, I don't think my screening will cause many waves, however, I do have a fairly lithe Queenager and it got me thinking.

First, how do I feel about a possible perv screening her? TSA spokes people have tried to placate the public by promising that they're not perverts, but surely these new procedures are going to attract a few?

Second, what would I do if the scanning machine suddenly became "over-manned" as my daughter approached? Yes, she or I, (she is still a minor) could refuse the scan and opt for the pat down, but is that any better? If you've seen it on the news, it's no longer a pat down, it's one step away from a cavity search. They don't just pat you, they move boobs around, and lift them up if necessary. (Fair enough, for those of us who fail the pencil test, "under there" might be a good place to carry a couple of sticks of dynamite.) Interestingly, it's been mostly men who have kicked up a fuss, with the famous "Don't touch my junk" threat going viral this week.

Third, what about the people doing the pat downs? (See amusing Saturday Night Live portrayal here.) They send female passengers to a female security person and males to a man, for obvious reasons. Most of us don't want to think anyone's getting their jollies off while fondling every inch of our bodies - for as long as they want to. And in somce cases, that would include spouses. But, (and here's where I wonder if I'm being prejudiced or non-PC), what if the security officer isn't of the same sexual orientation? Isn't that like sending a female passenger to be patted down by a man? And what could you do about it anyway? It's not like a woman could insist on only being groped   patted down by a female who doesn't "look" like she might be attracted to her. We all know where that would lead.

And don't forget, you won't be patted down just because you refuse the new body scan; if your underwire bra, titanium knee or silver filling sets off the alarm, you'll be in for that little delight too.

Better warn my hip-replaced mother!

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