Thursday, April 14, 2011

A Dollar a Day? Shove it!

I read a "charming" story the other day of how a husband gave his wife $17,885 (about 12,000 pounds) on their 49th wedding anniversary. The figure symbolises every day they have spent together as a married couple - he said it was "just a token of his love and a modest payment for half a century's companionship".

I'm sure he meant well but if the Ball & Chain comes close to handing me a "payment" as a birthday or anniversary present, I'll smack him into the middle of next week. Surely I can't be the only one who doesn't think this token quite so lovely?

Why? It just irks me on so many levels, but let me try to expain.
  • The fact that he is giving her such a large sum of money on their anniversary suggests that he sees it as "his" money. Surely most couples, if they're going to spend that much money on anything, discuss it with each other first?
  • And then...given that it's a marriage, what's with one partner giving the other one money anyway?
  • Don't we enter into marriage because we love that person? OK, I get that there are many reasons why people might stay in a loveless or abusive marriage, but I don't think this was the case. I find it odd that giving your partner over 17,000 individual dollar bills should be seen as a token of love.
  • A dollar a day. That's all she's worth? (This would be where the B&C received the full force of my wrath.) It doesn't say what their dometic arrangement was, but statistics show that most working married women still do about 80% of domestic chores. If he was even thinking of paying her, perhaps paying for a cleaner at the time would have been a better gesture.
I don't know, it just really got my goat! What do you think?

22 comments:

  1. Give him a wallop from me too! I would hate to be bought! In fact....... the price would be too high for anyone to pay! Cos I'm special!
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

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  2. Yes it would piss me off, but then I'd buy myself some sh*t-hot jewellery and get over it.

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  3. Ha ha yeah it does sound a bit patronising to give her a dollar a day. Marriage is complicated these days though until a century ago it was just a business arrangement and has now morphed into something more and I guess this guy was just more olden tymes about things!

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  4. I was going to suggest the jewellery angle, too. That much money I can see as being offensive, but at in the guy's defence, at least the thought was there. He just didn't get the right advice that's all. In fact I would seriously doubt that he mentioned his plan to anyone except perhaps his buddies who would have been equally clueless. Seventeen large can buy a really, really nice piece of jewellery which would NOT be resented.....

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  5. Made me fume. Would have thrown it back at him, bill by bill.

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  6. I'd ask him how he had £12,000 I didn't know about!!!

    It's your first point that gets my goat the most; how come he sees it as "his" money? In a marriage, what's his is hers and vice versa. It wouldn't be a present at all in my book. Thinking of something the other person would like and going to the trouble of getting it is a present.

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  7. Agreed, what's the point of giving money within a marriage? Now if he'd bought a nice joint wedding anniversary present (like an exotic holiday) that would be different....but paying her for being his wife? That's kind of sleazy.

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  8. I'm with This Mid-30's life. Although I have to say that I do hope by the time I reach a 49th or anywhere near it, I sincerely hope I'm worth AT LEAST $1.50 a day...

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  9. I'm worth WAY MORE than a dollar - or a pound - a day.

    And if my husband thinks otherwise?.....well, let's just say it wouldn't be a happy day for him.

    Then again, if my husband gave me a wad of money for our anniversary, I'd promptly tell him to try again. That's an anniversary gift FAIL.

    Anyway, I totally see you point.

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  10. I don't think my husband would dare to even consider such stupidity! I would use the money either on a good divorce lawyer or perhaps to pay for my own defence after walloping him good.

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  11. I would want to know where he got that kind of money from or where had it been hiding for the past 17,885 days!

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  12. What a very odd thing to do. Doesn't make me cross, just makes me wonder about their relationship...

    I have the opposite problem - B and I discuss money. I kind of think we ought to, being married and all, but it means we're not very good at random gestures of the generous variety. So B, if you're reading this, yes I'd love an eternity ring when the baby arrives - but we do need to discuss whether the money would be better spent on the building works/Tesco shop/mortgage first...

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  13. I would want to know here he got that money from and why he decided I was worth only a dollar a day. Possibly he was a very old fashioned man and thought he was doing his wife a big favor. Maybe he had really been saving a dollar a day since they had gotten married and he couldn't wait until their 50th anniversary for some reason. There must be a story behind the story.

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  14. wow - that is one present that is going to badly backfire. Can just imagine his down the pub with his mates going: 'Women, you just can't win. So ungrateful'. He probably won't ever understand why it's offensive

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  15. Oh good - I thought perhaps I was being a right old witch but it appears that we're all on the same page.

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  16. Jewellery option better - keep the receipt and exchange it for the cash - however, given that I would be delighted with any sort of present these days I don't have a major prob with it - prob would have if my husband had done it though x

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  17. Maybe this guy isn't creative. Sometimes it's the thought that counts and we read too much into the givers intentions. I'm not sure how I'd react if this happened to me, though.

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  18. I can see how it could be seemed as a dowry of sorts, but it could also be putting up with his crap for that long :)

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  19. i don't know, i think i would have happily taken the cash and gone spending (but i am pretty shallow)

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  20. I took it that he had saved a dollar a day for all those years (reverse the situation; why shouldn't a wife save her own little stash, either?)and the best way he could think of to spend it was to give it to his wife. Kind of nice.

    Odd it would raise your hackles so much . . .Why would it actually irritate you? I mean, I understand that it does and why, you explained that, but it does seem like an awfully strong reaction.

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  21. What a strange gift. Did her really hide one dollar per day? I mean, that's a huge stack of paper. Where did he put it? And how comes she didn't find it?

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  22. they must be quite an old couple, so I think it tells a lot about how times and attitudes toward marriage and equality have changed.

    I just love the expression "gets my goat". I never hear that here, and I resolve to use it more in conversation!

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