Santa - Fielding the Questions

So we had our first Santa-less Xmas in 22 years last month. I probably should be a little more tearful or nostalgic but quite frankly, the whole thing can be pretty exhausting. Especially when it goes on for over two decades. (It's not that my 22 year old still believes, but she's ten years older than the youngest, so she was threatened with various forms of bodily harm if she spilled the beans.)

Over the years I have become quite the liar expert on the various Santa-related questions that most parents face. 

How come he uses the same wrapping paper as you? - Ah well, he has so many presents to deliver to children around the world, he doesn't have room for wrapping paper so he asks parents to leave that out for his elves. 

How come his writing is just like yours? - Ah well, that's the naughty elves. Sometimes they like to play tricks so they write just like me to confuse everyone. (I once said that they didn't know how to write and just copied what I had written, but that led to all sorts of angst at the illiteracy in the elf world.)

How come grandma got me the (name of most desired toy) when it was on my Santa list? - Ah well, Santa can't always bring you everything you put on the list. He has a lot of children to see to and only a year to get everything made. Sometimes he asks parents or grandparents to get the things you've said you wanted. 

We don't have a chimney, what shall we do? - A lot of people don't have chimneys and Santa's okay with that. He's magic anyway, so he just thinks himself into the house. (This works until they get into Superpowers, and then they start making up their own versions of how he breaks into houses.)

How come he gets round the world so quickly when it takes us eight hours to get to England? - He's just magic. (Or telekinetic, depending on your child's interests and/or nerdiness.)

Any others I've missed?

(My thanks to Nappy Valley Girl for the inspiration for this post.)