Sunday, January 21, 2018

How to Avoid Being Obese - See Trump's Doctor

So Dr. Ronny Jackson reported last week that Trump is in perfect health. Despite the fact that he looks like he’s about to explode (and that’s not just a fat/thin issue, btw), Donnie’s doc reckons his weight is in the heavy, but not obese, category, and his high cholesterol poses no threat. At the hour long press conference after the four hour examination, Dr. Jackson conceded that Trump should lose ten to fifteen pounds, but otherwise reported Trump as in “excellent” health, weighing 239 pounds (that’s 108.409 kilograms or 17 stones.) In fact, he can safely be President for the next three years and (hint, hint) even another four, were he to win again.
At least he didn’t go for the superlative we got from Trump’s doctor during the election campaign. Trump provided the media with a letter from his doctor, Harold Bornstein, which stated: “If elected, Mr Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.”
Given the emphasis Trump placed on the physical appearance and well-being (of others) during the Presidential campaign, this health report is garnering quite a lot of attention. A “girther” movement erupted, consisting of those whose tongues are firmly planted in the cheek and whose eyes are rolling so far backwards they’re about to fall over. Comparisons are being drawn to several fit and healthy athletes who also claim to be Trump’s height and weight and let’s just say, even accounting for the lumps and bumps of ageing, there’s no comparison. Late night talk show hosts were having a blast, with Stephen Colbert impersonating Trump, "Listen, Doc, I don’t want to be obese, but I feel like this wad of cash is about one pound. Why don't you take this off my hands and weigh me again, OK,".
Asked by one reporter how Trump could be so healthy for a guy who eats junk food and never exercises, Dr. Jackon’s response was simply “genetics”. Hmmm.
It would apparently have nothing to do with the extra inch Trump seems to have acquired in his dotage then. By suddenly being an inch taller, he has cannily avoided landing in the “obese” category. Fancy that. A copy of his still-current New York state driving licence tells a different tale. The licence was released by the Virginia Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control through an open records request by Politico news, and shows him as 6’2”. Having obtained several American driving licences myself over the years, I can state that one’s height is self-reported. To be fair, this height discrepancy was first exposed in late 2016, which just means that…….in preparation for Presidential weight gain, he’s been fluffing that fact for a while now.
Obama is 6'1" by the way. 
It’s not uncommon in American doctor’s offices to be asked to “step on the scale” before entering the consulting room. You can go in for a suspected broken finger and they’ll still want to know your weight. The dreaded weigh-in usually happens in hallways, and although people walking past most definitely have other things on their minds, the public aspect just adds to the experience. Shoes are flung off, extra layers and jewelry abandoned and we inch onto the scale, one foot at a time, as if that’s going to make a difference. I don’t recall ever being measured for height though, so from now on I’m just going to add an inch and hope I don’t get busted. I’ve always said I’d be perfectly happy with my size and weight if only I could grow a bit higher, and now it seems, with the right doctor, it can be done. Hallelujah!
But really, thank goodness he grew that extra inch, for all concerned. Donnie clearly doesn’t mind looking the way he does, but anyone reporting him as clinically “obese” would be well and truly in the dog house, if not in the jail house. I’m now betting that he’ll write a book or launch another reality TV show called The Art of the Meal. Or get the good doctor to write it for him.

2 comments:

  1. It must be the hair that's adding those inches!

    ReplyDelete
  2. @NVG ahahahahahahahaha. Let's hope there's little wind in the doctor's office :) x

    ReplyDelete

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