Thursday, 16 October 2008

Junk Mail

Right, enough of that sappy stuff - something is getting on my nerves.

Like everyone, I get my fair share of junk mail, despite the filter on my e-mail thingy. (What I would like to know is how some perfectly safe people end up filtered out, while the scum of the earth manage to get through?) Given the market research that many of these companies do, I seriously wonder how they pick me. Do they really think I would be interested in half the stuff on offer. Viagra? I know I moan about the Ball & Chain, but really!

Here's a list of some of the junk that's reached me this week:

From Skin Doctor - "Don't let acne destroy your face". Excuse me? I said I had something dodgy going on on the left eyelid, but it's an allergy and nothing more. And besides, how did they know I was going to the dermatologist? They've obviously been wasting time reading blog comments instead of doing proper market research.

From Dr Suzanne Gudakunst - "The reason why you're fat". Excuse me again? I was so insulted by this I didn't read any further. Seriously, most overweight people know they're overweight and also know it's caused by more calories in than out. I don't consider myself a member of the overweight category, even though I am known to have the odd (okay more than odd) moan about the damage that three kids has done to my sillouette. Pah!

From LT Cheung - "A Private Message". Erm, don't think so. Thanks all the same.

From NCE (whoever they are) - "Our bad credit Visa card search has your card....". What? I pay my balance off every month and I'm sure my financial institution would let me know if there were problems, especially now. I was tempted to click on this one I have to admit, but knowing my luck, it will definitely be the worst virus known to man, wiping out your hard drive as well as mine, so I resisted.

From USA America - "Do you really know your partner?" Is this a detective agency trying to tell me ever-so-gently that they have been following the Ball & chain to his real job as a cross-dressing, roller-blading waitress at Dairy Queen? Or perhaps from a relationship expert touting for business? I hate to do this to you, but I didn't click on it. We'll never know.

From Andy C - "I need you answer" (sic). I take it he needs me to answer something, but I'm darned if I can remember receiving the question in the first place. Taking advantage of my pre-senior moments, that is.

From Alaka Yusuf Lookman - "I need to be convinced". Of what dear fellow? That we have a woman less qualified than me running for the second highest position in the USA? Again, very tempted to click, just because I like convincing people of things, but I resisted.

From Kaboom - "Never clean your toilet again - guaranteed". There are three males living in this house; the youngest treats the toilet as a repository for anything he no longer has a use for, the middle male forgets to flush on a daily basis and after the senior male has used it, the whole house has to be aired. I'm not particularly house proud but I would rather forgo the Pinot Grigio for a week than leave my toilets uncleaned.

From Hot Singles (oh, them again) - "These hot Singles want to chill with you". Apart from the fact that I just don't have the time, these guys clearly haven't been reading my blog or they'd know that the verb "to chill" doesn't really feature in my lexicon or in my house for that matter.

From Paul - "Hi my name is Paul and I'm one of those Internet guys." You are? Ooh, great. Let me tell you what the problem is - We have three computers in our house and only one is functioning properly. The colour/color printer isn't receiving messages from the one working computer and my e-mail junk filter doesn't seem to filter. Could you come straight over please, and bring your flash drive, or whatever it's called. Fabulous.



  1. You're a braver woman than me, reading all those junk messages. My favourite is the one from Kaboom. Most probably aimed at males and suggesting they get married. Or, at the very least, shack up with a woman. Because, as sure as spam is spam, they won't ever clean the toilet again. Bitter and twisted? Not me!


  2. I hate when they use your name in the subject line. I get emails that say things like "Pam, they're all talking about your weight gain". Makes me hopping mad.

  3. Watch out, though. When you get what might look to you like a junk email about a detective agency made up of expat wives, read it carefully, because it's about a genuine short story website - and I passed your name on to the person who's set it up, because I have this feeling that you could be a sleuth short story writer.

  4. I could get a serious complex at the number of offers I get to buy discounted Viagra...

  5. Iota- glad you told me that altho' I might be disappointing. Altho' I obviously have a wild imagination, I seem to be truly crap at fiction for some reason!
    BOOW - me too!

  6. I know, I know it's the same in my junk mail too. Yesterday I got a worrying one though about losing my hotmail account, so I actually forwarded that to MSN!

  7. I occasionally go through my Spam folder and delete tonnes of the stuff - the latest thing seems to be putting either some purportedly dirty tale about a celebrity in the subject line or 'Breaking news announcement from CNN'.

    Mind you, with the headlines as they are these days, some of these might not be made up!

  8. Sure, but it makes you feel quite popular when you see 'you have 15 new mails' overnight doesn't it!
    Or is that just me?

  9. That was funny! But it isn't really, is it? Gets you down after a while. I think you are particularly unlucky with all this junk. Just flush it away where it deserves to go, and don't forget to pull the flush!

  10. I too feel elated when I see 15 new emails, especially when I already junked a load of spam addresses last time I logged on so I am convinced they'll all be from friends. Wrong. It's such a let down! Gets me every time. How do these people creep back off your blocked list?!! I get ones wanting me to confirm all my bank details or sell me software. I am NOT a geek! (any more)

  11. Hahaha!
    Expatmum I don't know why but the ones I always get are more on the obscene side... telling me to improve my size, stamina and make my wife moan - and I don't think they're talking about leaving my clothes on the floor and not washing the dishes!

    But seriously junk-mail is so annoying, apart from the fact that I once got a trojan invader on my PC because I opened one and it took me 4 hours and lots of stress to completely remove it - it was one of those viruses that steal all your bank details and passwords! so people think twice before opening some spam, however appealing it may look!! :)

  12. Don't forget about the Nigerian Scams. Someone has died, leaving no heirs, and a hefty bank balance of a few million quid.

    They need a contact person in the US to receive the funds, otherwise they'll never be able to get the money out of the country..

    Sad to say, many have fallen victim to this particular scam.

  13. so it's not just me then?
    thank God for that.

  14. You're lucky - at least you seem to get variety. Mine unfailingly offer me 'male enhancement' (ahem). But how do they know?

  15. I different email accounts for my multiple personalities and weirdly, my work email gets all the Viagra stuff. I wonder what that means?

  16. Where do these people come from? I have a throwaway e-mail address that I use for any internet dealings which gets little or no spam. The e-mail address I give to friends and family gets loads. Go figure!

  17. And what about all those people who want me to help them get millions of pounds out of Africa? Drive me nuts.

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