Wednesday, November 26, 2008

It's all over.

I must've been momentarily distracted and now it's all over. Since it's oh, about a month till Christmas, we are averaging about fifteen catalog(ue)s a day. Now don't get me wrong - I do most of my shopping on-line, which is often inspired by these catalog(ue)s. However, I do it secretly, and usually in the dead of night so that no one looks over my shoulder, and they certainly don't get to peruse the pages.

Today unfortunately, the wee guy was standing right next to me when the ton of mail came through the letter box and thudded onto the floor. (I have possibly the only letter box in North America. Everyone else has mailboxes outside the house, which means that not only does it all get wet, but you have to go outside to get it. Obviously, the downside to a letter box is that little people can see what gets delivered.) Anyway, right there on the very top of the pile, was a toy catalog.

"Ooooh" he said, clapping his hands gleefully.
"Oh god" I wailed.

For almost an hour now, he has been curled up on the sofa picking out what he wants for Christmas. And of course, he has to come running over to me to describe the features and benefits of every single thing. Now on the one hand, it's giving me a lot of inspiration, so I am sirruptitiously taking note of page numbers. On the other - he's circling practically every toy on every page whether they are in his age range or not. Some of them are the same as things he already has.

1. Huge, remote controlled garabage truck/bin lorry. Apparently you can also put items in and they get crunched up. That's just begging for disaster. Lipstick, keys, snotty tissues, I-Pods, homework? Besides, he already has a perfectly good recycling truck that sings (to the tune of William Tell) "To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump".

2. Life size Spike the Dinosaur. Okay, so we don't really know how big some of these creatures were, but this thing is the size of a fully grown Great Dane. It's far too big for the house, and is so expensive that we wouldn't be able to eat for a month.

3. Bat Cave. Ah, now this looks quite good in that it all folds back into a neat little plastic suitcase thingy. Hmmm. (Dreams of toys that fold up and are put away every night.)

4. Plastic Thomas the Train track set, complete with waterfall and three bridges. That would presumably be to replace the full wooden set we already have then would it?

I explained last year that Santa only brings so many toys as he has to get round the world and he can't carry everything in his sleigh. Plus, the elves might go on strike if he grants every wish. That really didn't wash as Santa is magic didn't you know. Little guy also pointed out that if Santa couldn't come up with the goods, perhaps his grandparents could pitch in. (Since when did 5 year olds get so clever?)

Last night for his nocturnal prank, I found a pencil snapped in three and shoved in the holes in my bathroom sink. And then the perfect blackmail tool came to me in a flash - every time he does anything like this in future, something gets taken off his list. He seems to think he can pick and choose what goes and what stays, but he clearly hasn't been living with me long enough.

Mwah ha ha!

BTW - Pop over to the Potty Diaries for a look at the British Mummy Bloggers' Carnival.


  1. Thats the way to do it, Expatmum!
    Something gets taken off the list whenever a bad thing happens.
    Whatever you do..... don't get the grinding garbage truck! You will regret it.

    In our house if anything naughty happens, everyone chimes in with, "The bad fairy must have come in & done it".
    Don't know where thy got that excuse from. I am still looking for that bad fairy! It seems quite active!

  2. I miss the days of christmas catalog shopping with the little one. As a 17 year old his interests are very expensive so on a limited budget shopping only takes about 5 minutes and one click of the mouse and I'm done. I'm glad not to have to wrap so many presents (ugh) but it gets boring when all they want is cash.

  3. I have to say, I am rather stuck for ideas for my teenagers. The things they want are teeny and expensive, making their pile (compared to the 5 year old's) look very miserly.

  4. mum, I have hinted as much before, but be careful waht you wish for. That little lad is the star of your show but, being true to womanhood, you want to tame him? x

  5. We've had a few run ins with the Christmas Catalogues. I get more and more nervous nearer Christmas when I've already spent far too much and they suddenly spot something new that they 'must must have.' Grrrrr.

    I just tell 'em Santa brings them the things he thinks they'll like best and use the most. I have a feeling Miss E will get wise to this next year though as she will be 9.

    This year I 'think' she still believes, but it's possible she's just humopuring me.

  6. Teenager is convinced I still believe in Santa ( which I do of course) so if anyone asks me in front of him about said Father Christmas he looks at me ascance like a benevolent patient parent, and stays non-commital.
    No point breaking my heart. I leave carrots for the reindeer every year

  7. Award for you over at my place. Just in time for Christmas!?!

  8. Genius idea on the child control front em, go for it!

  9. Be careful what you wish for... Okay, Expat Mum, consider yourself tagged. What are YOUR Christmas resolutions?

  10. You'll have to give me a few days. I refuse to deal with Xmas until Thanksgiving is over. (Think, think, think.)

  11. Tsk. You harsh mummy you.

    Now, when can I book you to come sort my two out . . .

  12. 'Toys that fold up and put themselves away every night...'

    now that would definitely stay on my list!

  13. I really have to have that recycling truck. Can you imagine the meeting at the toy designer company, where they sat round in their smart suits, in some minimalist meeting room on the 50th floor with a stunning view over an exotic city, drinking skinny lattes, and saying to each other "How about 'to the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump'?"

    If your child has that, he needs no other toy...

  14. By the way, you've seen that Anita Renfrew moms' song to the tune of William Tell, I'm sure? If not, find it on youtube.

  15. Oh yes, it's absolutely brilliant. Her mind is still very sharp to remember all those words. I'm sure I couldn't.

  16. At least you wait until after Thanksgiving to start all the hoopla, Woolies has had their Christmas Displays out for ages.

    BTW -- what do you Brit ladies think about Woolworth closing? A sad day...


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