Thursday 1 April 2010

Keep Yer Blogging Hair On!

I'm reading a lot at the moment about the state of the mummy/mommy blogging world. Getting too comercialised, too bitchy, snarky, combative (delete where appropriate.)  I say I'm reading about it because I haven't come across any of it. Although I think I cover quite a lot of space, blog-wise, for some reason I am completely out of the loop when it comes to the bitch-fests that have  apparently been going on. I can't even give you an example, so far is my finger from the pulse.

And it's great. I love being so out of things that they don't bother me. Or is it because I'm probably one of the older bloggers in the mum field and well, I don't really care what anyone else thinks of me? I'm not particularly controversial so I don't attract a lot of snark, but if someone does happen to disagree with me - cool! Have your say, just do it nicely.

Whatever. I thought I'd post a few "guidelines" about how to rise above the fray or, better still, to avoid the fray in the first place. Take what you will from it but do remember that this is just a blog and it tries to be tongue in cheek most of the time too.

- limit your blogging. I know when you first start blogging, it becomes an all-consuming behemoth but try to be disciplined from the start and you won't find yourself burned out and questioning your very existence within 6 months. Furthermore, you won't be so sucked into your blog groups that every little comment has to be analysed and counter-argued.

- forget the stats. If you're really stat-fixated, get rid of it. I'm not saying it's wrong to care about your stats, but if it upsets you that you get 90 visitors one day and 30 the next, it might be time for a little break from it.

- ignore the competitions. Would I be thrilled if I won a top blog prize? Absolutely, but I don't enter myself for anything. It's just blogging at the end of the day. Again, if competitions cause you angst and your pitiful number of votes causes serious inner wranglings, - stay away and congratulate the winners.

- don't feel judged by others. OK, some of us do manage to meet from time to time; some have even become good friends through blogging. The majority of your blog circle however, will never be your neighbours, you won't bump into them on the school run and they won't be spreading rumours about you (other than possibly to other, equally remote, bloggers). So don't get so wound up about their disapproval. You don't even know if it's someone you would respect if you knew them anyway. The nice sounding mother who e-mails you kid-friendly recipes could actually be barking mad and in serious need of a visit from child services.

- and if you're the blogger who constantly feels the need to promote your way of doing things, either through comments or posts, please - sit down and shut up every now and then. I'm all for a good debate, but it's not just your way or the highway. In most cases you won't convince other commenters that your way is better; you'll come across as agressive and bitchy, and you'll get yourself all worked up into the bargain. (Your fown lines will stay like that too!)

There now. Don't you feel better already. ;-)



  1. Very good points! especially the one about remember the mum emailing you could be barking! As for the rest let's engage in discussions but not let it get too hairy and we'll all be fine.

  2. Brilliant post!

    Whenever you get a group of women together a bitch-fest is bound to ensue. It's true in the working world and in the blogging world as well. I try not to pay attention too much about what other people are doing and as you say, at the end of the day I blog for me and if you don't like it, sod off! I read things about blogger "cliques" which kind of disturbs me. Cripes, I thought high school was over?

    "if you're the blogger who constantly feels the need to promote your way of doing things, either through comments or posts, please - sit down and shut up every now and then."

    Right on, or just save it for your own blog. Blow off steam there. Just today I begun considering comment moderation because I've seen some comments on other blogs that could have done with some moderating. I don't mind disagreement, but stay respectful please.

    Oh, the whole award thing. Well, at first I felt honoured but then I started seeing them passed out like candy which sort of killed it for me. It's not that I don't appreciate them, I do, it's just that they sort of lose their meaningfulness when everybody has one. I made my own award button but have given it out sparingly.

  3. Fab post. I think when you open a blog account you should have to have this tattoed on your midriff, then every time you start navel-gazing, you'll remember the rules...

  4. yesh, I'm part of the 'adoption blogger' community and I got HAMMERED with angry comments right around election time due to my....hmmm, liberal leanings(God forbid I think NHS is a good idea)...I just told those angry bloogers not to let my HTML hit them on the arse on their way out! My blog, my opinions...end of story.

  5. I think that's great advice. Thank you!

  6. Good advice. As I keep saying on various blogs, plenty room for lots of different types of blogs, no right or wrong, a bit like cable TV and all those channels. Although I do like to think of my blog as a bit like the BBC!

  7. Very valid post - it's very easy to get caught up in a blogging popularity contest but ultimately most people blog because they enjoy the release it gives from everyday life.

  8. Very good advice. I think it's very easy to take blogging too seriously, when it should be fun. Otherwise, what's the point?

  9. Well said. I think I've missed most of the bloggy bitchiness as well, but life's definitely too short for stuff like that!

  10. that was very, very well said.

    clap. clap.

  11. LOL I too have managed to stay out of the drama. Fine by me! Love your advice. Well done.

  12. Great advice for all age groups :-)
    I like the *shut up * bit!

    Nuts in May

  13. Good points, very down to earth. Like you I haven't seen any bloggy bitchiness although I keep hearing about it. Well there was one woman who was disgusted by another blogger's content one day and she 'wouldnt even post a link to increase said bloggers stats' she was so disgusted. That was about as bad as it got. I think I know who she meant and I was a bit surprised by the mean tone, but I just took note that 'its out there.'

    Awards? Well, I just accept the circulating ones with gratitude that someone wanted to acknowledge me but I don't get all hyped up about the 'Official' awards. I don't blog often enough or with enough dedication to any niche ('expat lifestyle' was intended to be as unspecific as it sounds!) so I know I won't qualify for many awards going.

    The thing I have actually really enjoyed about blogging this past year is the warm welcome--the acceptance of who I am for what I write not what I wear or drive. Blogging seems to be a real meritocracy and if you're nice and interesting and you get out and meet others then you'll have nice interesting people come to your blog and meet you. Overall.

  14. i haven't come across negative or unhelpful blogging in the mummy blogs. perhaps it's something got up for us to blog about, so we all look divided, then we can be discounted, disempowered and not listened to?!

    the only negative worlds i ever get into are from people who know nothing about home ed yet pronounce frequently - more often ahem, men, (sorry about that) and folks who do not even seem to have the experience of children. the other foul types are government custodians.

    i have to say i have had nothing but support, understanding, inquiry, debate and rational thinking from the woman bloggers - i suspect most women with kids go through the same thoughts and traumas about learning, and they are very understanding and aware about different educational models.

    and i guess i do run a mostly single issue blog, so i probably count as a frowning aggresive worked up bitch. which Dig would say is possibly an accurate description. x

  15. If there's bitching going on, I appear to have missed it thankfully.

    I've got a great bunch of blogging friends who just seem to want to be there for each other in good times and bad. If I come across anyone bitchy and unpleasant I'd avoid them just as I would in real life.

  16. I agree with everything you have said...I have never had any bitching...only great and helpful comments. But I do tend to stay on the outskirts of the blogging world...I have not entered nor voted in any awards as my blog is my thoughts and I'd rather they not be's all a bit of fun and hope everyone enjoys popping over...thats enough to keep me at it!

  17. My blog is not a mommy-blog, but I've been delighted to find that after a year of weekly blogs I've had zero absolutely zero snarky, bitchy or nasty comments.

    We so don't need this in this world!

  18. Write because you like writing, is what I always say. I like entertaining people, and I like positive comments as much as the next man/woman/mom/dad, but in the end if noone was reading, I'd still be writing.

  19. Very well said! Great post. I have experienced a not-so-nice side to blogging but on the whole it's a supportive community. If blogging does get you down for one reason or another I think you just need to remind yourself why you're doing it and stop thinking about all the other 'stuff'.

  20. Well said. I too have found blogging very supportive and not at all bitchy and I hope I give that back too.

  21. Thank heavens after readng your post and all the comments it's a relief to know that my paranoia about being sidelined by the b***h mob is totally unfounded...;)

  22. Excellent advice! Everyone who blogs should read this post!

  23. Well, as someone who doesn't blog (can't think why anyone would want to read what I'd write as my life's so boring, though I do have a training log on a fitness website, which doubles as my diary I suppose), I think that's all good advice.

    I've come across a bit of bitchiness on Alpha Mummy, and apparently there's a lot on Mumsnet, not that I've ever been there. Not my sort of thing. Am I allowed to actually name blogs? Too late if I'm not, eh.

    I think it can all get taken a bit too seriously - it's a bit of fun, at the end of the day. I enjoy the few blogs I read, though I don't comment on all of them. I don't get the awards thing at all.

    I like a good debate, and I'm probably more opinionated online than I am in real life, but most of it's at least a bit tongue in cheek. People who get too worked up about things should get out a bit more.

    Actually, I should get out a bit more, but not for the same reason - just to relive the boredom!

  24. Good points. I've always adopted a 'live and let live' policy. I did post recently on how blogging was getting more commercial, but I wasn't aiming to criticise anyone in particular. It's just the way it's going.

    I've always thought Twitter would be a dangerous place. You could make one sarky comment, and then it could be retweeted and retweeted, and hundreds of people would read it, and there's no taking it back.

  25. Great post as usual. I fly under the radar too but thats fine by me.
    I don't think you accept them but I passed along an award to you anyway - it's one for making me smile frequently and it's at my place. X

  26. Ach - Pam, I have been SO bad at visiting other blogs at the moment. I could write a blog or two about what's been going on here but it would infringe on others' privacy. Needless to say, I am humbled and grateful.
    I do accept them, but as is obvious, am a bit (actually a lot) crap at doing anything about them. xxx

  27. pleased to say that I must be out of the loop as well, and I like it that way!!

    Now saying that I do post everyday on my blog, but only because I have a lot to ramble on about!!

    Happy Easter to you and your family,

    Gill in Canada


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