Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Porky pies - Lost in Translation

So I keep a few bits of make-up in my downstairs loo for emergencies. (Come on, I have one of those houses with millions of stairs, - you never know when my BF Obama might knock at the door.) Call me vain but I need some under eye concealer and a slap of lippy before I venture out of a morning. I call it a service to mankind.

Yesterday morning there was a suspicious "hole" poked in the top of the lipstick, which I forgot to murder someone about mention to a certain 8 year old. This morning, the lipstick-shaped concealer was smushed up and the lid was missing.

Ordering him back into the tiny room, I asked him what had happened and waited. Don't 8 year olds know that you can see them mentally making up a story?

8 y/o - "Ah, well. That (pointing to the concealer) was out on the side of the sink, and when I reached for my toothbrush it fell on the floor and the white stuff fell out onto the floor."
Me - (Eyebrow raised and arms folded.) "Really?"
8 y/o - "Yes, mom. Sheesh."
Me - "So while we're on the subject, what happened to my lipstick?" (Reaches for said lipstick and reveals previous crime.)
8 y/o - (Brain audibly scrambling for explanation). "Well, that one was on the floor and I went to pick it up for you; trouble was, I had my toothbrush in my hand and it kind of got stuck in the top of the lipstick and made a hole."
Me - "Do you really expect me to believe that?"

8 y/o opens his mouth, presumably to pile on the fibs, at which point I advise him to quit while he's ahead. Adding -

"I know this is all porky pies, by the way".

8 y/o comes running back to me with an exaggerated questioning look  - "Porcupines?"

Clearly I have been remiss in the British-English education of this child. I hope they don't take his  passport away!


  1. LMAO!!! Oh, these stories sound so familiar. He is too cute for words.

  2. So, when do we find out about porky-pies? Be easy on the kid; I like him.

  3. Porcupines - not a bad guess for porky pies.

  4. They seem very reasonable explanations to me. I'd believe him ;-)

  5. totally plausible explanations from an 8 yr old. the child is obviously a gifted and imaginative story teller. full marks for good porkies.

  6. Love the porcupines. I'm always having these situations now, using a British expression then having to explain it to my own children.

  7. Would you Adam and Eve it?!

    I think the bigwigs are coming for his passport now!


  8. Fool that I am, I actually found his explanatory story quite legit, there was an arc with that one, drama, resolution and humour (Gosh i sound like I'm losing it...)

  9. And you couldn't be asked to explain it to him...? ;)

  10. Lol, already at 4 my girls swear blind to me that they are not telling porkies!

    Mich x

  11. Sometimes you can see the cogs going round when you hear these porkies. LOL!
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  12. When my son started telling whoppers, he used to turn his back to me, so I couldn't see the wheels turning!


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