Panic, panic, panic. I have a fairly glitzy function to go to on Saturday night. Not black tie, but very dressy. The word "edgy" is being bandied about to describe what the IT people will show up in. I don't think I would know "edgy" if it slapped me in the face. I think I was quite "edgy" in the 80's, but now...well, I'm not an IT person, although I was recognised last week in the corner shop as having been on TV the previous week. Anyway, the point of the panic is I haven't a thing to wear. Zip. Nada. Zilch. Rien. Nowt.
This is not me being "Oh Dahling, I haven't a thing to wear" either. It's mainly because I did a bit of a "What not to Wear" on myself at the end of last summer. Well, I did the first half, which would be to give away or throw out everything that looked hideous on me, or that was never worn. There are a few things that I know Trinny and Suze would have chucked in the bin, but I have convinced myself that my daughter might thank me for keeping them. The reason for the current wardrobe panic is that I never got round to the second part, which is to buy new stuff. So now I have very few clothes for any occasion including taking the little one to school.
On top of all that, I HATE shopping with a passion. (I have been having my food shopping delivered since a particularly nasty nappy/diaper incident with my now 15 year old. The company here in Chicago is called Peapod, and for about a $5 delivery fee they bring everything right into my kitchen. I am actually a VIPeapodder and am treated like royalty. Either that or the delivery men think I really am royalty because I have an English accent!) I digress, - on Saturday, while hubby took the kids to get new golf clubs I headed for Michigan Avenue to find something to wear for this weekend, - and was back in the house in under two hours. Pathetic I know. I even had to eat an emergency power bar to keep myself going.
What a waste of time. Most of the fashions look like lingerie, and are fit only for females under the age of 16, who weigh the same as my right leg. In addition, there's the forecast that we will still be dealing with sub-zero temperatures next weekend so a floaty, spring-like garment will look a bit idiotic coupled with snow boots and a big parka. At the other end of the spectrum there was the armour-plated evening suit, which I find frankly rather ageing. Besides, I haven't had a face lift so don't have the Joan Rivers wind-tunnel face to accessorize, nor can I manage bullet-proof hair. And anyway, if I turned up wearing something like that my friends and aquaintances would either not recognize me or wet themselves laughing.
What to do? What to do? In my BC life (before children) I would have cockily (is that a word, for that is what I did?) whipped out the sewing machine and run something up on the Friday evening; but the nearest fabric store is a nightmare to get to and, well, I can't be bothered.
Given that my little one is only in school till 11.45am each day, and tends to hide amongst the clothing racks whenever I try to shop with him, this should be an interesting week.....