Monday, April 21, 2008

In sickness, health and inaccurate measurements...

The ball and chain (B&C) and I celebrated 18 years of wedded bliss last Thursday. So thrilled was he that he booked himself on a little business trip to Washington DC. I wasn't too bothered about that, it was the fact that he got up at 4.30am to catch a 6am flight that irked. I never really get back to sleep after that, and the earthquake at about the same time the next morning had me totally knackered by the end of the week.
Anyway, my mother was a little worried that we were more or less ignoring our anniversary. I think she is reading too much into it personally; it's not like a 10th or a 20th. Anyway, I jokingly said we would have a nice dinner on the Friday evening and renew our vows. Now, if you knew me and my beloved, we are about the last people on the planet that would go in for such sloppery, I mean publicly displayed sentiment. However, my mother clasped her hands together and said "Ooh, how lovely". Hmmm. How to get out of this?
Bingo - I would write the vows my husband would recite, and he would do mine. At this suggestion my husband looked like he was either going to burst into tears or flee the country, but I insisted. (Given that he was disappearing for the actual day, he hadn't a leg to stand on really.)

So, that Friday evening B&C pledged thus, (with my help of course)-

I promise:

- to measure accurately before venturing near Home Depot
(B&Q). (We have more screws, shelves and light bulbs lying around than Home Depot itself, because they come back too long, short etc and are never taken back.)
- to make sure friends and family are downwind before I "cut the cheese". (Hubby is the personification of "silent but deadly" and even if you're outside, it's truly traumatic. I also learned the phrase "cut the cheese" from my 12 year old, but apparently it's been around for decades.)
- to tuck no more than 50% of the marital sheets between my knees or under my chin. (Not quite sure why he does this but I frequently wake up with the sheets diagonally slashed across my body. In the early days I used to gently pull yards of my side of the sheet from his clutches, but now I just yank and teach him a lesson.)
- to improve my English accent or henceforth resist all urges. (Like many Americans, he ends up sounding like the Queen Mother on steroids or a member of Monty Python. Mind you, most of my American accents are pathetic although I do a mean Texan.)

Lest this post get too long-winded, (oops too late), I will post the rest next time.

16 comments:

  1. umm have I got it wrong or would 'upwind' have been kinder to friends and family?

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  2. Too long, EPM? You clearly haven't looked at my blog for a while. Yours is brevity personified in comparison!

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  3. Frankofile - oops yes, thank you. I think I will leave it though otherwise your comment won't make sense.
    PM - I don't have the concentration to edit long posts, as can be seen from the aforementioned error.

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  4. First of all congratulations on your wedding Anniversary.
    I was just getting in the mood to read a romantic pledge & what did I find? Talk about wind! Well, I ask you!

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  5. I like those pledges - congrats - that is quite an achievement and as I only made it to 15 I think that a huge celebration involving lots of champagne and all of your friends is required every single year from now on. Lx

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  8. Happy Anniversary! :)

    Off topic: Are there any plans to offer your book in paperback any time soon?

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  9. Hi Melody - Apparently not at the moment, which I am told by my agent, is a good sign. It means it's still selling as a hardback. I know you can get it quite cheaply on Amazon though. Thanks for your interest.

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  10. A Happy Anniversary. You have described my mother and my husband to a tee! It's our anniversary on the 3rd May and I'll be at my mum's in Manchester while the farmer will be on the farm up here in Northumberland. My mother will no doubt blame me for my carelessness and feel terribly sorry for the farmer, even though he can always join me. But then the farm might burn down or the postman might arrive an hour early.

    Oh well, hope you manage to keep your vows.

    Best wishes, Crystal xx

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  11. See next post for the vows he wants me to keep!

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  12. How reassuring to learn that the foibles my DH of two years has now will still be evident in 16 years!! Must now go and breathe into paper bag to prevent hyperventilation. Next you will be telling me it gets worse when you have kids....

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  13. We'll be celebrating 19yrs next month. I reminded ExpatOwl the other day, to which he replied, "I'll probably be away." Hardly Gods gift to romance!

    Congrats to you both.
    xx

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  14. hmmm, when you've finished doing this mean texan of your's do point him in my direction darling

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