Saturday, January 3, 2009

A wee bit stressful

So we made it back to Chicago in one piece. Well, I'm saying that but the Ball & Chain (who chooses to drive all the luggage and presents to Colorado) is bedded down somewhere in the wilds of Nebraska and isn't due back till tomorrow afternoon. Knowing our luck all the presents and expensive things will be being stolen from the car as I write.

I may have mentioned that I really don't like flying, so I tend to be a tad anxious on flying days. And of course, after three days of no snow (and therefore very icey skiing conditions) we woke up this morning to a blizzard. Having estimated that it would take two hours to drive down the mountain and over to Denver airport, we quickly revised that to two and a half, yelled at the kids to get their shoes on and finish their breakfasts (in that order), and set off.

First little challenge was an "Out of Order" sign (with profuse apologies, in true American style) on the lift/elevator door. Fab. We were on the third floor with three large boxes of presents, four suitcases and various plastic bags full of food to take home and dirty laundry. It took us about ten minutes to locate the stairs, and a large measure of patience not to throttle each child as he or she dropped something essential and walked blithely on. (I-pod head phones yet again.)

The drive down the mountain was a teeny bit hairy as we had about fifteen feet visibility, driving snow and ice on the road. Of course, if the Ball & Chain had used the 4-wheel drive option, as I suggested, we may not have had to creep along at 40mph. But what do I know? It's only my car.

The true test however, came about half a mile from the airport when I noticed the car swerving somewhat. I looked over and saw an agonized look on the B&C's face. Mild panic set in. Visions of me having to lean over, take over the driving....you know what I mean. Turns out he needed a wee-wee. Really, really badly. Even though we could see the airport, there was no way he was going to make it and we pulled over onto the hard shoulder. The 5 year old (who had said he needed the loo about ten miles before this and was told to wait!) said:

"Daddy if your willy's sticking straight out it probably means you need to go NOW", which did nothing to help, frankly.

We were in the middle of a wide open field with cars and big rigs whizzing by (excuse the pun). Fortunately there was a bank leading down to a little stream where he ducked, while the Queenager moaned and groaned about having to witness this terrible episode. You could actually only see the top of his head, and he could have been doing anything really. But most bets would have been on having a wee.

As I said, the true test was in not throwing around comments like "And weren't we all told to have a tinkle BEFORE we got into the car?". Wouldn't have gone down well at all. Still, I think he'll be a little more forgiving to those of us with thimble-bladders in the future. Or at least he should be.

.

24 comments:

Brit' Gal Sarah said...

Ah but at least men have the option to just conveniently flop it out and go even in adverse conditions!

Glad you made it home safe, I'm the same about flying. Hope the B&C rolls in safe as expected.

Relax Max said...

Funny. But I can identify totally with him. (Been there, done that) :)

Iota said...

I'm not sure he's going to forgive you for publishing this story.

Maggie May said...

B&C is lucky that he could just get out & relieve himself by the motorway. Would be awkward for a woman. I always urge everyone to take every opportunity to go to the loo whether they need to or not........ as you never know when you might get to a toilet again. Alternatively you can keep a large jar in the car for men and buy a contraption for women who are trapped in a car & desperate to go! (Just to add to all the luggage, of course.)
Have you noticed we are on the favourite subject again!

Stinking Billy said...

mum, the main thing is that you are home again, safe and sound (though only just). Keep yourself away from any more dangers until you next come to Seahouses, promise? x

elizabethm said...

You said nothing on the "why didn't you go before we came out" front, nothing at all?
you are truly an angel.

Potty Mummy said...

Why is it that if we (as in women) are desperate to go we are being ridiculous, but if men need to go then it's a national emergency? (Sorry, feeling a little raw on that one for similar reasons...)

Expat mum said...

Funny that the women here have no sympathy. Tee hee. And I refrained from saying anything but there was a certain "je ne sais quoi" in the air, I can tell you. (And you can bet it'll come up as soon as it's publicly appropriate.)

Lakeland Jo said...

hilarious! Hope you managed to get some good ski-ing in

Daffodilly said...

Oh yes I can see 'the show and tell' story on Monday at school!

Knowing the weather conditions he was lucky not to loose it in the frigid air!

ChrisH said...

Ah! So that's what that 'willy sticking straight out' thing means! Glad you are all back in one piece (even the children dropping stuff - what a bummer that the lift was broken! Typical.)

Mmm said...

Oh that is hilarious! I would have busted up over that. But you know, I've been in that position myself--desperate to go to the loo and stuck in traffic! Not fun, let me tell you. somehow when it comes form a child though, it is so much more so.

Welcome back.

® ♫ The Brit ♪ ® said...

Hahaha! I have been in the same situation a few times whilst driving!
And I loved Maggie May's idea of creating a contraption for men and women so that they can have a slash in the car! hahahahahaha!!!

Almost American said...

Did the 5 year-old get to pee too, or only the B&C?

Expat mum said...

The 5 year old was able to hold it in till we got inside the airport! (Perhaps it's the start of "senior" problems?)

Iota- he doesn't read the blog (probably hears enough of my wittering already) but I have actually sent this one to him!! Eek.

ExpatKat said...

Hilarious! Does the B&C have any French ancestry? You see men going for a jimmy riddle on the roadside all the time over there.

Elisa said...

"Daddy if your willy's sticking straight out it probably means you need to go NOW" ROFL
Yeah, I'm sure that's what that means ;-) LOL

Lisa L said...

Hi Expat mum - I'm an expat too, but from Australia. Love your blog..we lived in Colorado for 10 years at one point...that driving in the snow in the mountains was some scary stuff.
I have a question...my sis and I (she's in Australia)are meeting up in London in the second week of August...driving up to Scotland....only staying a week. How do you think the weather will be? Cold? Hot? Somewhere in the middle? I've not been to Europe before..cannot wait..Lisa

Thames said...

Still don't feel sorry for you (skiing?!)

Glad you made it home safe.

Happy 2009.

Kate said...

Men + thinking ahead = impossible equation!

Great to discover your blog via your comment and the Black Boxes widget - have just added you to my roll, looking forward to further adventures!

Kate x

Audrey said...

Too funny! Why are other people's "annoying husband's" stories always funnier then my own?

Guineapigmum said...

Fab story! And I guess you must have made the plane in time.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee, I'm still laughing at the 5 year old's comment. I always wondered why it did that.

A Confused Take That Fan said...

Hi Expat Mum. Am catching up with your blog. Hilarious story! I too am scared of flying, I imagine the wee wee shenanigans was a great distraction! Hope you had a wonderful time in Colorado. Sounds amazing and that you are enjoying being back in real life. Happy New Year to you!

Blog Archive