Urban Cougar of the Month

OK, so you know I wouldn't be able to resist a few lines on Jackie, the Urban Cougar of the Month. Here's an excerpt (with commentary of course) from her Interview:

You say you feel like you're just reaching your prime. What does that mean to you?

When I was in my thirties, I thought my bikini days were over! Now, here I am in my fifties and I can wear a bikini and blow away the majority of girls in their twenties.

You bet you can baby - we don't see many o' them jugs on a woman at any age. Usually they obey the laws of gravity.

At 52, instead of being invisible, I am in the top 1 percent of my age group, and I get noticed wherever I go! This is fun, and was worth the wait!!

Wait - at 52 you're in the top 1% of your age group!? For what!? IQ? Income? Philanthropic deeds? Even if you do mean fake boobie size - how on earth do you know? As far as I remember, there hasn't yet been a Cougar Fake Boob census.

How do you think perceptions of women over 50 have changed?

People like Susan Lucci (who is in her sixties) and Sophia Loren (who is in her seventies) have completely changed the whole concept of being in your fifties.

What - wasn't she asked about women in their 50's? Whatever!

But then, maybe it's the common denominator - the Italian thing! I am half Sicilian, and I must admit, good genes are part of my good fortune!

Oh - the "good genes" line. Very convincing. And obviously you're half ironing board; you are a very thin woman, in the same vein as Pamela Anderson, with big boobs stuck on the front.

Do you feel more empowered now than before? To be sexy, ambitious, to live more fully?

Most definitely! Why? Because I am getting to the point where I just don't care about the opinions of people who don't matter!

Ah - there it is - she doesn't care about the "people who don't matter" - truly a mature mind.

When you're out, do you notice young men checking you out all the time? How does that make you feel?

Yes, of course I do. But not as much as I notice other women checking me out. Any attractive woman knows what I mean.

Yes, they're wondering how much you paid for them, and if they're going to stand the test of time.

I find it funny. Any time I enter a room, there is always a woman who thought she was the hottest one in there. Then I walk in, most often at least 20 years older than her, and she has to check me out - wondering how old I must be - checking to see if my breasts are bigger than hers, etc. At my age I can laugh at this. It's actually entertainment for me and for the person on my arm when I walk into the room.

And believe you me, it's pure entertainment for the rest of the room when they see you teeter in, on the arm of the red hot (sexually confused) 20 year old. Love is blind, as they say.

You mentioned you're a workout fanatic. What do you do to stay so sexy?

Back when I was working out at home, I used to do 1000 crunches a day. Now I have a gym membership, and I alternate between lots of different machines, along with cardio. I'm not one of those people who loves working out - I just love the results! My favorite part of the workout is when I have my gym bag in my hand and I'm on my way out the door!

So erm, what were you saying about genes?

Are there other things you do to stay hot and young at heart?

When you're tiny like I am,

Did she just say that? Give me a break - next it'll be "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful". Anyway, carry on love,

..it never really feels like you're getting old. I'll always be a "little girl." I will forever shop in the Junior Department. My mother is well into her eighties and still shops there!

So at 5'7" and an average size, I am destined never to feel young again? Might as well throw the towel in now.

Other than that, I highly recommend lots of good, red wine! One of my favorite wine sommeliers claims credit for my youthful appearance.

Crap - I'm drinking Pinot Grigio. No wonder it's not working.

Any words of wisdom for your fellow cougars out there?

Listen up girls.

Just remember to have fun. When all is said and done, you might very well end up with someone closer to your own age, but that doesn't mean that you can't learn something from the young men who will come into your life along the way.

Oy, oy, oy.

.