Tuesday, October 13, 2009

To Sleep, perchance...

I read a great article recently in the Times, about happily married couples who don't sleep together. As in, don't share a bedroom. Apparently there are only 8% of couples under about 60 years of age who don't share a marital bed, yet most couples report a 50% sleep disturbance if they share a bed. It seems society's just not ready for married couples in seperate rooms, the assumptuion being that they are erm, living like brother and sister.

Hmmm. I don't know. It sounds very appealing to me. I am such a light sleeper that I wake up almost every time the Ball & Chain turns over, and that is not an infrequent occurance. It used to be that I was literally bounced up and down on the mattress (ooh, err missus) so we got one of those Tempur mattresses that don't bounce - much to the disappointment of the 6 year old. It might not bounce and it actually doesn't make a sound - but the fairly new wooden bed frame squeaks like a trapped pig. I'll be handing the B&C some WD40 this weekend I think.

The other bad sleep habit the B&C has is to take all the covers with him when he turns over. What's with that? Aren't you supposed to turn over under the sheets? Well, he sort of turns over on top of the covers, meaning that by the end of the night, about one fifth of my body is covered in anything, while Mr. Snug-and-Comfy is positively swathed in sheets and duvets. It's no wonder I wear passion killer fleece pyjamas.

Oh and then, because of his bony knees, (diddums) he bungs some of the sheet between them, as a cushion. One night I woke up with nothing covering me at all. I eventually found a corner of the sheet and began pulling. He had the entire King size sheet stuck between his knees.

He often gets up at around 4am to pee. In his attempts to be quiet, he shuffles his feet along the floor instead of walking normally. That makes an annoying (and wakey-uppy) shuffling sound. Although he closes the two doors between our bedroom and the bathroom, he still manages to sound like a horse peeing on a rock, and wakes me up. The fact that the bathroom is tiled almost floor to ceiling probably isn't the best acoustic arrangement for a quiet pee though.

Mind you, if we slept in different rooms (ah, bliss) he would be safe from my alleged sleep-talking, and the occasional sleep-walking. (That seems to occur only when I'm very stressed, but it has resulted in me falling down the stairs a few times.) When the middle child was about three, and prone to having nightmares, I apparently used to rugby tackle the B&C when he was slept close to the edge of the bed. My maternal instincts kicked in and I was trying to stop him from falling off the edge. The poor chap was exhausted in the morning, especially when it sometimes happened several times in one night.

But that's all I do. Not a lot compared to what I have to put up with really!

.

22 comments:

  1. OMGosh this is so funny and I have a post in draft on the same subject...
    Larry snores for scotland..and now apparently l do too....wtf?? I say sorry but l cant hear it, am asleep so what can l do???
    I sleep better when he is a away, this is a new thing, I never used to..he sleeps better in hotels...so is the writing on the wall??

    we'd have to move house, AGAIN, to get separate rooms...the does that mean the sex goes completely.comments please..l need to know..

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  2. My dad flays out in his sleep and whacks my mom. He also sleep walks and has ended up in the cupboard trying to answer the phone! Just lately he fell out of bed in his sleep. I think hes trying to give mom a heart attack!

    My youngest sometimes sleeps on the other side of my queensize but ends up rolling against me and squashing me. I also have assorted cats usually the small ones. But last night I has about 5 big cats and ended up relinquishing most of my duvet to them!

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  3. When we get up in the morning you can see which person has slept soundly & which hasn't.
    One side looks neat & tidy and the other is almost torn to shreds in disarray.

    Apparently, I have learnt to cling on for dear life to the duvet while asleep and no matter how much my other half tosses & turns & tries to pull all the covers off, I am always snug and lying still!
    Nuts in Mayhardly move!

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  4. That hardly move should have been after the word still! Don't know what happened there!
    Nuts in May

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  5. Oh,that duvet habit. We have that too - it drives me crazy! Mind you, my husband snores so badly that I have learnt to sleep through almost anything as a defence mechanism. Except when one of the boys sighs heavily, of course - then I'm up and in their room before you can say Jack Robinson. What's WRONG with me?

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  6. Love it! Don't you think the full catalogue of nocturnal activities (which can be shared) is simply hilarious, and sometimes demonstrate a remarkable level of tolerance.

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  7. My husband breathes on me, it feels like our room is always windy. He also huffs not snoring but worse. Sometimes I want to take the pillow and ever so lightly put it over his face!! What I mean sleep in the quest room. Ear plugs !

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  8. Do you really fall down the stairs? That's terrifying. I'm the bad sleeper over here, too. I'm not at the stage of separate bedrooms yet, but we have got a huge huge bed, so it's not quite like sleeping in a double bed either. I hate sleeping in a normal size single with someone else - I just don't sleep. Even a queen or king size is a bit small for me.

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  9. It's become quite the fashionable thing. I feel sad at the thought of not sharing a bed with my husband on principle, but in reality I do love being in hotel rooms where we can each have our own bed! Stretch out, covers all mine - heaven!

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  10. I sleep fairly peacefully, though I do tend to wake up a lot. I don't *think* it's the result of DH. The covers are not an issue for us, it's square footage on the bed. I may toss and turn, but I do it in one place. I guess I lift up and turn without moving sideways on the bed. DH just rolls. So while he may start out facing away on the other side of the bed, by the time he's finished, he's flat on his back, then facing me on my side of the bed. A gentle nudge usually disturbs him just enough that he doesn't wake up and know I've done it, but he does tend to roll back to his side. It's not a bothersome issue, and is more anecdotal than anything else.

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  11. I think the best strategy is to have a super king size bed so you can have the best of all worlds ( our bed is so big it feels as if I have it to myself but can grab a cuddle if the mood strikes or the feet get cold), plus a spare room to escape to in times when one of you has a cold, or is restless, or wants to read.

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  12. The only time we've had separate bedrooms is when Littleboy 1 was a baby and I had dreadful insomnia - the slightest snore would wake me and I tossed and turned all night. I'm still a light sleeper but I am used to it now. He, on the other hand, has been known to sleepwalk, sleeptalk and even once got up and shaved half his face in his sleep!

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  13. I don't see why husbands and wifes have to share the same bed, let alone the same bedroom. It seems to me that everybody is entitled to a peaceful night's sleep in the comfort of their own surroundings, in their own bed with their own covers, to stay up as late reading as they want to and to not be disturbed by the nocturnal irritations of the other person, which are not very sexy anyway. Sex can be agreed upon beforehand and then both parties can retreat to their own bedroom after a good cuddle. It's such a silly notion to have to share a bed because you happen to be married. You don't sit in the same chair to eat and eat of the same plate.

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  14. Here in Finland its quite normal for people to have two separate duvets instead of a double to share. I used to think itt was really weird but now... its great, I get all my own covers and if my other half wants to throw his off the bed then that's fine by me! I think it really helps towards getting a good nights sleep :)

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  15. I saw this too and was delighted that they were being so honest about it. This is why being in a long distance relationship is not as bad as it sounds and potentially even ideal... or being like Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton and living in adjacent houses. I'd have to do that if I was in the same town as a partner, I too much like the sleeping alone thing most of the time these days.

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  16. One of the blessings of having lived in Norway was that I discovered how wonderful it is to have separate duvets. After years of waking up in the night clutching one small corner of our duckdown kingsize, it was a delight to get my own covers back. Now all I have to do is work out a remedy for the snoring and the thrashing about that results from his jet-lag!

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  17. OK Scandinavian girls - how does the two x duvet work? Do you start off with a big gap down the middle. When one person turns over isn't there a big draft, or are you really in sleeping bags??

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  18. My Gent is a cover stealer. In the past, I had to actually tuck the duvet under me so he couldn't make off with all of it in the night (and then the 1/2 that is supposed to be on me ends up on the floor!). I apparently grind teeth (which is a truly horrible sound) but he's never noticed so I don't feel bad at all!

    Also...separate duvets is KEY. Lesson learned (see above!). I can wrap myself in a cocoon-like manner to my heart's content while the Gent can steal his own covers!

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  19. I don't think I could sleep alone after all these years...I've learned to keep a quilt on the chair by side of the bed and when he does his grab and roll with the blankets, I get my quilt...it was the snoring that nearly got him done in...you know when the elbow to the side doesn't work and holding his nose is a lose lose situation the next thing is you find yourself with a pillow over his face and your old workmates questioning you about murder most foul...so I make sure I'm asleep before him, because I sure don't want to do any time in the slammer! But I just can't sleep alone!
    Sandi

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  20. This is too funny. However, I'm the culprit here, hubby always complains I take the duvet...

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  21. But if we had separate beds, whose legs could I warm my cold feet up on?

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  22. We have similar husbands. Mine takes the duvet, has a pillow between his knees and then wants my pillow, sits up to lecture me on something and then gets cross when I don't know the part of the conversation that happened in his dream, sleep talks and is a very light sleeper. But he doesn't snore and makes a great foot warmer..

    I on the other hand take the duvet and dump it on the ground next to me and grind my teeth. That doesn't make me a great bed partner either...

    I think we cancel each other out, we'll stick in the same bed (but would be nice to not have a child in there too...)

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