Friday, March 26, 2010

Oh God - Am I acting Old?

Just read an excerpt of a great book that's coming out on April 1 - "How Not to Act Old" by Pamela Redmond Satran.  Of course I couldn't resist running down the list just to see how I'm doing.

- shouting into your cell phone. I barely use my cell phone so I don't think I shout into it. My mother does though. Actually, even though she's quite a young grandma, she's started shouting into her home phone too. She does the telephone voice, - "Hello", pause. "Hello" a bit louder. (A bit posher than she normally talks. Perhaps she's expecting Her Maj to be on the other end.)  She used to be a teacher so it's more of a telephone voice than most people's mothers have. She shouts when she phones me too. Well, I am over four thousand miles away.

- dialing on your mobile/cell with your index finger. Hmmm. I had to think about that but most of the people I call are on some sort of speed thing. At least their numbers flash up as soon as I turn it to the phoning part. (I-Phone; it does a lot more than dial out.) I used to use my thunbs to dial and text (hip mama that I am) but the I-Phone doesn't have raised buttons, so you end up hitting all the keys around your intended letter too. So yes, I'm acting old in the dialing department.

- leaving voice messages. Initially I thought "Why on earth does that age you?", thus immediately ageing myself. Apparently no one bothers to leave messages anymore, they just hang up and assume that the recipient will see their number and call them back when they can.  Hmmm. They have a very good point. I quite often leave the Ball & Chain detailed messages, and he usually doesn't bother to listen to them, prefering to call me back and say " 'Sup?" So yes, I'm acting old in the messaging department too.

- granny pants/knickers and bras the size of Scotland. I've discussed my underwear collection before, and the fact that my own mother sends me Marks & Spencer control knickers for birthdays. I'm definitely ancient in this department but I really don't care. I don't have lacy bits digging into me, my boobs are high and under control, and I never have a VPL. (Visible panty line.) Happy to be acting old in this department, thank you very much.

- book your holidays so far in advance you forget when they are. No such luck; we don't even have this summer organised. The flights are going to cost a fortune, but until I know what the Queenager is doing, I am hamstrung.  My in-laws usually have their plans so well carved out that they need an "insurance" policy in case anything crops up in the meantime.

- panic before holidays. I sometimes do this but it's more because I still don't quite know what's going on a week before we're due to fly. I think I'm allowed a bit of a panic under those circumstances. My mother, on the other hand, starts panicking the minute the subject is broached. We have just discussed her coming over here and then flying back with me in July, and I can feel a huge long e-mail winging its way over the Atlantic already. First there'll be the panic about how to get from Newcastle down to London. (Last year BMI cancelled the connecting flight down to London and all hell broke loose.) Then we'll have the suitcase/weight issue - how much to bring and which suitcase to use. Then she'll panic about having to change terminals at Heathrow and whether or not her luggage can be checked all the way through. On a more positive note, I'll be so wound up by the time she gets here, I'll be about ten pounds lighter.

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19 comments:

  1. I'm old too in some of those areas! I had to pick up my phone to see how I dial (thumb). The messages thing is an odd one - it is so annoying when someone calls you but doesn't leave a message, for me at least.

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  2. guilty of all of the above and at the moment l dont give a flying fek.....l have bought a wonderful selection of leopardskin bra's, cream silk slips...WTF???

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  3. I definitely use my index finger for texting and panic about holidays. And leave voice messages....oh dear.

    As for granny pants, aren't they de rigueur for anyone who has ever had a child and not followed it up with a tummy tuck?

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  4. OMG! I AM OLD! I do all those things...wonder how long before I can break the habit(s)?
    Sandi

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  5. Ha Ha...I love this...I have to say I haven't started speaking loudly into my phone (although my mum does and it makes me cringe every time) but the dialing with my index finger...erm...guilty as sin...wheres my zimmer frame!

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  6. Yes to the granny pants and the leaving voicemails. I wondered why my kids never did!

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  7. Oh lord, I don't bother to leave my husband messages anymore either for the same reason. He can see the message light on his blasted phone and ignores it every time! Then he always calls back at either the most convenient time or well after I've already found the answer to what I was going to ask him.

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  8. I think I dial with my thumb, now is that bad or not? I've forgotten. I'm very old fashioned and i also don't leave messages. i wear hip huggers and lacy under wire bras.I have no sex life, I do it for myself. Some people whisper on their mobile phones and i can't understand them, but maybe I'm going deaf. I would like to shout down phones, just for the heck of it.

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  9. OMG, how depressing. All this is true. Had no idea about leaving voice messages... really? I think I'll go to an aerobics class now.

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  10. If those things are signs of getting old, then I commute to work with the oldest teenagers in the world, shouting down their cell, um, mobile phones about their dodgy doings over the weekend for all to hear. They do dial with their thumbs, though.

    (I guess I don't need to look at the rest of the list--that rant alone confirms I'm well into the "hey you kids, get offa my lawn" stage of life.) ;)

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  11. Yes, I saw this in the daily mail online and I also had to think for a minute - do I dial with my thumbs. Like you the old speed dial thing stops me having to say Yes to one of the things - now what excuses can I come up with for the others?

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  12. the speed with which you text. now that really is an age definer.
    ;-)

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  13. I am not doing too badly on this. I leave texts usually rather than voice messages, unless speaking to the 'traditional' mobile phone user ( the one's that say- I don't understand how to use text) or just assume the missed call message will be a prompt. I only shout if the listener can't hear... not sure how well I am doing on the underwear though. Perhaps Scotland does come to mind....

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  14. Thanks. I am now officially old it seems.

    MD xx ;-)

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  15. That's a hilarious post - the one that really got me was the 'yelling into the phone' topic. My mom always does that; even after I try to explain to her that she's about to blow out my cell-phone speaker and that I can hear her perfectly fine without her yelling- I guess she'd just rather have the assurance that her voice will be heard loud and clear =)

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  16. Nope, I don't do any of those (although I most definitely should have control knickers, but I can't bring myself to) and I can text really fast...

    ... however I don't think it's that I'm young, I think it's that I'm in denial.

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  17. shit I'm old - I leave messages and love capacious knickers - but hang on, I don't yell down the phone, and I ...what were the other things, I've forgotten already....

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  18. That panic one is the one that is really telling. I see it in my mum, I see it in my older sister. I tell my husband to warn me v severely if he sees it in me (tho I already see it in me, I just pretend not to) Panicking about arrangements, making mountains out of molehills etc. Tha's a sure sign of age. Sigh.

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