I was told today that I have boring boobs. Normally I'd smack the person upside the head for their sheer cheek, or file for divorce, depending on the situ (or "sitch" as my teens say), but today I almost hugged that person.
See, I had my annual mammogram this morning.
Last year after taking 4 x-rays, they sat me in a room while they read them - then called me back in to do a few more. I could barely walk back to the x-ray machine as my legs immediately forgot how to work. The radiologist explained that there was something she couldn't quite figure out on one of the x-rays so she wanted to do it again. She did two more just for good measure, then I went back to the little room. Five minutes later she popped her head round the door and said she wanted the doctor to take a look at them. Gulp.
I'm a bit of a "glass half empty" person so the wait wasn't good. I put it down to two years of English A Level studying Philip Larkin's poems in "The Lesson Deceived" in which he basically says that if you expect the worst, you won't be unduly shocked if it happens, and if it turns out better, you'll be more relieved and happy than the optimists. Normally I find it a pretty helpful approach...
So there I was mentally divvying up my personal possesions for close family members, and trying to figure out where I wanted my ashes scattered - (sorry if this offends anyone, but really, you do start thinking about those things. Or at least Larkin devotees do) - when the nurse popped her head back in and asked me to see the doctor. Arrgghh! This cannot be happening.
The doctor came in all smiles. Phew - he can't be delivering a "sentence" and flashing those teeth at the same time. Can he? Fortunately he only wanted to explain what they had been doing ("Dude - I don't care - just tell me what's going on", screamed my inner voice) and told me that everything was fine.
"What? You've had me sitting waiting by myself and now everything's fine", outraged inner voice said. Obviously I was thrilled but the relief was also draining and made me dread today's appointment.
So as I've said, hurray for boring boobs.
Which leads me to this - if you are due for a mammogram, or any other checky-up type of appointment, do yourself and your loved ones a favour and GO!