Thursday, October 28, 2010

Boring Boobs

I was told today that I have boring boobs. Normally I'd smack the person upside the head for their sheer cheek, or file for divorce, depending on the situ (or "sitch" as my teens say), but today I almost hugged that person.

See, I had my annual mammogram this morning.

Last year after taking 4 x-rays, they sat me in a room while they read them - then called me back in to do a few more. I could barely walk back to the x-ray machine as my legs immediately forgot how to work. The radiologist explained that there was something she couldn't quite figure out on one of the x-rays so she wanted to do it again. She did two more just for good measure, then I went back to the little room. Five minutes later she popped her head round the door and said she wanted the doctor to take a look at them. Gulp.

I'm a bit of a "glass half empty" person so the wait wasn't good. I put it down to two years of English A Level studying Philip Larkin's poems in "The Lesson Deceived" in which he basically says that if you expect the worst, you won't be unduly shocked if it happens, and if it turns out better, you'll be more relieved and happy than the optimists. Normally I find it a pretty helpful approach...

So there I was mentally divvying up my personal possesions for close family members, and trying to figure out where I wanted my ashes scattered - (sorry if this offends anyone, but really, you do start thinking about those things. Or at least Larkin devotees do) - when the nurse popped her head back in and asked me to see the doctor.  Arrgghh! This cannot be happening.

The doctor came in all smiles. Phew - he can't be delivering a "sentence" and flashing those teeth at the same time. Can he? Fortunately he only wanted to explain what they had been doing ("Dude - I don't care - just tell me what's going on", screamed my inner voice) and told me that everything was fine.

"What? You've had me sitting waiting by myself and now everything's fine", outraged inner voice said. Obviously I was thrilled but the relief was also draining and made me dread today's appointment.

So as I've said, hurray for boring boobs.

Which leads me to this - if you are due for a mammogram, or any other checky-up type of appointment, do yourself and your loved ones a favour and GO!



  1. yep. getting a colonoscopy next week. hope I have a very boring colon.

  2. My hubby had one on Monday. He said the prep was worse than the actual procedure. Good luck!

  3. Glad to hear it went well. Am totally with you on the Larkin thing.

    My US friends are shocked that I haven't signed up with a doctor yet here. I just haven't been ill since we've been here and it hasn't been a priority, but they can't believe we don't have annual physical checkups as a matter of course in the UK. Still, I know I ought to do it at some point, and you've just reminded me.

  4. Well, if you're not still growing and not quite a certain age it's probably not necessary, but that's not an option for me any longer!

  5. Just had my first one a few weeks ago. I had to wait for a couple of weeks and the results came in an envelope - it was as bad as opening my A Level results.

    Good news is, we're both boring!

  6. Happy to have boring boobs here too! My local hospital got new digital mammogram machines a couple of years ago and the difference in the quality of the pics is amazing. Apparently they do far fewer retakes now.

    I second the comment on getting regular checkups. A former colleague of mine - a school nurse - failed for many years to have an annual pap smear done. For whatever reason, she waited until she retired. She saw less than 6 months of her hard-earned retirement.

    Meanwhile, a friend of mine in the UK, whose mother died of breast cancer in her 40's, is still waiting for her 50th birthday and her first mammogram. The NHS, in its infinite wisdom, has decided she doesn't need a mammogram until then!

  7. very pleased for you that your boobs were found to be boring. Is it just me or are mammograms super uncomfortable - they squeeze and pull them into shaps I didn't think possible

  8. Boring boobs here too, happy to say. Booh to the bad bedside manners of the so called medical professionals who put you through that mind game. What's wrong with these people?

  9. Well, I'm glad your chest is boring. That is good news. I think I'm a Larkin devotee too.

  10. The one where they squeeze the boob almost flat didn't hurt so much (it's all relative). For me the one where they squeeze it lengthwise was worse, but that's because it also pulls the skin near your armpits. Ouch!
    You can't faint though because you're wedged in there!

  11. Oh...... how I felt for you because I have obviously been there.
    I too seem to be the glass half empty type of person. I alsio have thought from an early age that if you believe the worst, then you can only be pleasantly surprised if you have worried for nothing.
    I am trying to get out of this now as I don;t think it does me any good at all.
    Pleased you have boring boobs!
    Hope mine are boring too.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  12. @Almost American - your friend should go back to her GP. It's normal practice not to have mammograms until your 50s here, but if there is any family history of breast cancer, regular checks should, and generally do, start much earlier.

    My friend, who's in the same situation as yours, has been having them since her 30s. Tell yours not to take no for an answer!

  13. So glad for your boring boobs "sitch." I haven't had to have a mammogram yet...I seem to remember hearing that they flatten your boob like pancake to get the reading?!

  14. It's always good to have 'boring' boobs- limits the number of people who want to squash, fondle and abuse them!!

  15. Good point. Do you know try don't do regular scans here for women over 40? I think it's age 50!

  16. Hooray for boring boobs! My sister battled breast cancer and won. Now she's battling spine, lung and liver cancer. Hideous thing. I'm thankful for my boring body.

  17. Let's not forget folks - none of this is free. The NHS might be scrimping on mammograms but no one gets them free over here. In fact there was a huge demonstration in Chicago last week by medics, demanding free cancer screening.


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