Tuesday, March 26, 2013

A Peek into Gwynnie's World

OK, I know it's not nice, but it's also irresistible. Taking the piss mick out of Gwyneth Paltrow, that is. I wouldn't care but I just read an interview somewhere about how nice, funny and normal she is. I should be ashamed of myself.

And then she ruins it by coming out with the "Annual Spring Edit" on her curiously named Goop web site. "Edit", as in, chuck it all out and get some new stuff. As you do. (Or in my case, - chuck it all out and never get round to buying anything new.)

Goop, in partnership with Net-a-Porter clothing, aims to help you "find inspiration for outfits for all aspects of your busy life". All aspects? What? You mean like whether I can wear jeans or not? How many aspects does your average woman have? If Gwyneth's outfit selections are anything to go by, her middle name should be Sybil.

The first look is "Everyday Punk". I quite often get up of a morning and decide I want to be a little bit rock and roll that day; fortunately I have three kids who would wet themselves laughing if I ever took it any further. But, if you fancy adding a touch of Everyday Punk once in a while (as opposed to Extraordinary punk I imagine), here's what you need -

Leather jacket $1995 (about 1300 quid), and Rag & Bone jeans $255 (that's another 165 quid.) Plus - I know she grew up in the States, but honey - this ain't punk. Punk was a lot scarier, even on a Wednesday.

She also has looks for Pretty Pastels "with the element of fun" which, rather than being a jaunty pair of ear-rings or a pop of lemon, are sparkly ankle boots costing $970 (over 600 quid.) Then there's "Bright and Bold, for "casual weekends, city walks and the school run". Again, I must be the only woman who doesn't really over-think her outfit for the school run, or indeed a "city walk" whatever that is. Who on earth are you mixing with if you have to dress up to get the kids or take the dog round the block?

The "Maxi at home" outfit worried me a little. This one's "for a night in with guests". I know quite a few women actually love maxis; and yes, they can be a heck of a lot easier to throw on than jeans and a top, but if I were entertaining guests, you can bet I'd stand on the hem, throw the food all over the nearest guest and break my neck in a maxi. Plus, the maxi in question of course, costs $1615 (over 1,000 spondoolix.)

Perhaps the winner in the "Are you Kidding Me?" award however, goes to the "Silk for Slouching" outfit. First off, do you actually slouch in silk? I thought silk was for best? Second, the silk sweatshirt she's wearing comes with a $675 price tag. (443) and the pants she's slopping around in are an eye-watering $1695 (1100). In clothes like that I'd be sitting up straight and not letting anyone near me with a juice box or sticky hands!

I know Gwyneth and her man Chris Martin have more money than God, but you can't claim to be normal enough to do your own school run and then advise yer average mother to slouch around in silk that costs more than her annual clothing budget. 

Well, you can, but you lose a leetle bit of mom cred. 

14 comments:

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sarah said...

Well of course, she's not talking to the likes of you and me. We don't have 'outfits', we have clothes, most of which start and finish with denim.

I suppose her website is devoured by the yummy NYC mummy set who could easily spend over a thousand nicker on a pair of sloppy silk trousers, and they squeal in recognition at the problems of choosing an outfit for both walking the dog and doing a city walk (whatever that is, as you say).

It's a parallel universe where they live.

Sandra Sews said...

Couldn't help having a little laugh at the tone of your post, brilliantly put! But you are so right. There seem to be quite a few people around who THINK they're your normal everyday person, but how wrong they are...
They do live in a parallel universe.

Angella said...

Love this post. Chuckled all the way through. I am part of the NYC mommy set though clearly not the yummy set because who could run around in leather and silk costing well, you know, when we have housing to pay! I do love how cheekily you break it down. I am clearly not in Gwynnie's universe.

EmmaK said...

Hey Gwynnie I can get the 'Silk for Slouching' look for under $5 at my local thrift store.

One other reason she needs to check into the funny farm is she also has her kids on a gluten free diet for no reason other than she thinks it's good for them http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/2013/mar/13/gwyneth-paltrow-no-carb-diet-perfect-sense

Fair enough but we all know a life without starchy carbs is not worth living!

Jean (notsupermum) said...

Ugh! Gwynnie sets my teeth on edge. I can't abide the woman, and I don't like her films either. Don't think I've seen a single film where it hasn't been obvious that she's acting.

Gigi said...

If you don't have anything nice to say; come sit next to me! ;-)

Yes, I've heard she's nice and normal too - but jeez! No, those clothes are not for the "average" mom or woman. And, like you, if I did just happen to have one of those outfits I'd probably never wear just to keep it from getting ruined.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
nappy valley girl said...

I sort of feel like I ought to like her, because I'm sure Chris Martin is really nice and he wouldn't marry a real prima donna and all that, but sometimes she gives interviews that are just so annoying. She seems to have become a sort of Martha Stewart-type now. I preferred it when she made films - she was a pretty good actress in things like Sliding Doors.

Northern Snippet said...

I must go for a city walk..

Metropolitan Mum said...

My daily outfit dilemma is hat or no hat aka washed hair or bed head... And it doesn't cost a thing!!

Michelloui | The American Resident said...

I am currently wearing boyfriend jeans (recently washed), an old cashmere jumper which I must remember has holes in the armpits because if I forget and go out in public my daughter will say 'Mum! You know that jumper has Holes In The Armpits?!' And one of her fleeces over the jumper because I was cold and saw it on the back of a chair near my laptop. Nope, I'm not in G's world either!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Thud said...

As an ex punk rocker I can only roll my eyes at such off the peg extravagance,

Blog Archive