Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Blame game

A news story emerged yesterday about a Japanese passenger who is sueing United Airlines for mis-management and negelect. Did they cock up his booking, lose his luggage, or send him to the wrong country perhaps? No. Apparently United are at fault because he had one too many on the flight to San Francisco. By the time he reached Customs and Immigration, he had started to take it out on his poor wife,allegedly beating her several times before being arrested. According to reports, he is claiming that it's all United's fault for letting him have too many drinks in the first place.
Hmmmm. I'll be watching the results with interest because I will then consider sueing (in no particular order):

- Blogger. Oh yes indeed. I published a list of my NY resolutions almost a year ago, and not all of them have been achieved.

- to lose half my bodyweight by June 30
- to limit myself to two glasses of wine when I'm attempting to help with algebra homework, (otherwise I dissolve into tears)
- to get outside for more than the five minute walk to and from school each day
- to tackle one writing project at a time (oh, there's a good one)
- to finish all other projects (eg. knitting, painting and sewing) or throw the bloody stuff out

oh yes,

- to make my body my priority this year. No more "Oh I couldn't work out because I needed to get some stamps" excuses

How dare Blogger let me publish them in the first place and make such a fool of myself. (Defamation of character.)

- My Health Club's owners. I'm paying all this money, attending weekly torture sessions, and I still don't look like Cindy Crawford. They even have posters all over the place of beautiful, taut bodies, none of which resemble mine. (Mental torture, false advertising.)

- The manufacturer of my treadmill. Ditto.

- Miele, the makers of my vacuum cleaner. They have nurtured its reputation as one of the best vacuums out there, and yet it just sits under the stairs, totally ignoring the flecks all over the carpets and the dust bunnies under the furniture. My house still looks like something Aggie and Kim would have a fit about. (False advertising, gross negligence, and crimes against health and safety.)

- Hallmark. I don't have a problem with their birthday cards, but the wall calendars they print are about as much use as a choclocate teapot. Despite the fact that I write everything down on mine, I still have about three hundred "Oh shit" moments throughout the day, when I realise that I haven't looked at said calendar that morning. I mean, what good is writing everything down if it doesn't jump out and grab you by the throat to remind you once in a while? (Gross negligence, mismanagement and mental pain and suffering.)

- Toilet paper makers, wrinkle cream manufacturers, scented candle makers, and every other company that advertises its products by pretending that you will suddenly have an idyllic, stress-free life, where people wear white and don't get it dirty, and mothers rub noses with their children even when they've tracked mud through the kitchen. Sorry - it's just not happening in this house despite the stockpiles of loo roll in the cupboard. (False advertising.)

- Dell and/or Microsoft (ka-ching). Despite the monthly updates they do to their hardware and software, I know I am still woefully under-utlizing my computer. I have just hand-written my Xmas card envelopes because I still haven't figured out how to do the mail merge thing, and I'v tried and failed several times to post a You Tube clip here. (Withholding of information and "gross negligence.)

- And in anticipation of New Year's Day,- Jack's Bar at Copper Mountain ski resort, where I will undoubtedly be over-poured and encouraged to sing along with the resident band. (Defamation of character, unusual cruelty to anyone else in the bar.)

I realise I've made half of these legal claims up, but it would seem anything goes these days.



  1. mum, I came on over from mike's place with a view to jealously whining on at you again, like "But he's not even a (gulp) geordie, mum (sounds of throat being cleared and tears dropping)? But, after reading your post I can see that this might not be the best time to appeal to your sympathy. ;-)

  2. The Japanese passenger story reminds me of a flight I took on British Airways (several years ago.) They brought round before-dinner drinks. As the flight attendants wheeled the cart back down the aisle, they were asking people if they wanted another drink. One man said, yes, he would like another beer but he hadn't finished the one he'd got. The flight attendant put her hands on her hips and said VERY loudly, "Well, you're just not drinking fast enough are you?!!" (She did give him another beer.)

  3. I have done some very daft things in my life (usually involving alcohol) and can honestly say - it was all my own fault. Let's hope common sense prevails.

  4. It's like that legendary case where a woman sued some company or other when she burnt her mouth on her coffee, so now we have "this is hot" or some such warning on all coffee cups. Ridiculous.

    I managed to post a youtube video on my blog recently. Type "How to post a youtube video on a blog" into Google, and you'll find step-by-step advice. Trust me, if I can do it, anyone can.

  5. Don't EVER upset a Japanese....... (can't believe I said that!)
    Not HALF your body weight, surely!!!!!!
    This post made me smile!

  6. hi there... surfed onto your bloggie via clippy mats... great blog! i have a question 4 ya, if ya dont mind... can ya give me any pointers on gettin a book published? i have 2 and some poetry... where do i start?
    merry christmas....


  7. EPM: by the time 2009 is over, you can be sure that at least half of your 'joke' lawsuits will have been seriously filed by someone.

  8. Well, good luck in completing that list in teh new year!

    BTW, I don;t think cindy Crawford is that gorgeous anyway..or ever was really!

  9. Hi! We have a lot of blogs in common so I can't believe I've never visited you before.

    Loved your list - you've got me thinking of others now.

    Will be back
    WM x

  10. That's why I won't commit to weight loss online -- you've completely nailed it! I am hesitant to put Wordpress into a sticky situation from defamation of character. It's the best reason I can think of!

    Thanks for giggle!


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