I am at my wit's end trying to find stuff to buy the Ball & Chain for Christmas. He's the sort of chappie who toddles off and buys himself what he needs when he needs it, with nary a thought for those of us who are then expected to come up with gifts for him. Me? I will forego perfume, books, come what may, to give my loved ones ideas for gifts. (It also has something to do with being brought up to "wait for your birthday/Christmas" to get anything.)
The other day yet another catalog(ue) full of useless paraphenalia plopped through the letter box. Aha. Perhaps Ball & Chain gift ideas? Alas no, but in the manner of Potty Mummy, who has very kindly listed some gift ideas (with links) on her blog, might I suggest:
The 50" snowball launcher. ($29.99)
This toy not only launches "softball-sized snowballs" (ie. bigger than normal) but makes them too. Great - not only do you end up with lazy, fat kids, but you'll likely end up with a big fat law suit when a two ton snowball hits your neighbour's grandma.
The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy Porcelain Musical Egg ($49.99)
"Reminiscent of Faberge eggs" - which, roughly translated means gaudy. 22k gold accents (does that mean it talks like the Queen?), and one hundred hand-set faux jewels. More importantly, each egg is numbered and comes with a certificate of authenticity - lest you forget what poor taste you have.
The Finger Drum Mousepad ($39.95)
This mousepad is actually a mini electronic drum-kit, coupled with an MP3 player input thing that allows you to play drum solos over your favourite songs. Fab - instead of the Ball & Chain drumming his fingers annoyingly on the desk while he works, he can now transform himself into an ageing rock drummer! As long as he doesn't dance or burst into song, we'll be fine.
My personal fave - The All Occasion Light Display Projector ($99.95)
Turn the facade of your house into an illuninated snow scene and blow the competition away. This light projector box creates gently leaping deer or other images by directing a bright, white beam onto a rotating mirror ball. It comes with interchangeable slides (16 in total) including stars, balloons, witches, and ghosts. Given that most people's houses aren't big enough for this projection display, the images will presumably be leaping all over your neighbour's house too. If you have the neighbour from hell, this could be the ultimate revenge.
All gifts available from Hammacher Schlemmer . Yup, that's right, I said Hammacher Schlemmer.
I am holding out for this:-