Thursday, March 1, 2012

Someone, Please Tell Celebs the Truth

A recent story in the DM  (Yes, I read it - where else could I get half of my blog fodder from?) reckons that Joan Rivers' make-up artist told her that she looked about 90. What he meant was that she's had so much work done on her face, it's impossible to tell her age, although obviously she doesn't look young. Apparently she was outraged, although her comment "I am livid! And you would be able to see it, but I have all this new Botox", suggests it was all for her TV show "Joan Knows Best".

But then it reminded me of the age old question when it comes to stars and their appearance - what the hell are they thinking? And, more importantly, why doesn't someone close to them (hello, daughter Melissa) tell them the truth. "Mom, less is more", or even "Mom, you're starting to look very scary".

In the same vein, why didn't Brad Pitt dig Angelina in one of her bony ribs and say "Give it a rest pet, you look ridiculous", as she stuck her right leg out sideways at the Oscars (see previous post.) She had obviously been practicing the leg pose before hitting the red carpet, so someone must have seen her. Brad could easily have said "You know, it's far more sexy if you just let the dress part by itself once in a while", without getting smacked across the back of the head. (Although if I'd been going to do something so ridiculous I probably would have tried it out in the loo on my own too.)

But seriously. Does no one have the bottle to tell these people what they look like? I know I would -

To Angelina/Demi - "Wallis Simpson was wrong. You can't be too rich, but you can be too thin."

To Brad (while we're talking about him) - "Blonde scraggy hair, gray beard? Let me get you a comb."

To Madonna - "Ditch the fingerless gloves, you're drawing more attention to your hands. Any anyway, you're in your fifties, your hands aren't supposed to look like a teenager's."

To Madonna - "Enough with the filler too. You're starting to look like Mae West."

To Lindsay Lohan - "You're 25 for god's sake. What are you doing to your face?"

Surely I can't be the only person whose parents looked her up and down, very slowly, before asking "You're not going out like that are you?"


  1. Dear Expatrice, you are turning into my husband's mother, who would always have a comb handy as he came into the room - Even when she was in a hospital bed, breathing her last!

    You really made me laugh with this, thank you! The thought of Brad calling Ange 'pet', then getting a slap for his cheek, was priceless - Northern humour - You can take the gal out of the north, but you can't...

    Thank you!

    Fhi xxx

  2. love it, I think everyone must not want to be written out of any inheritance or something... or the rich and famous have very selct hearing!

  3. I know. On the other hand, it must be terrible to be in the spotlight like this all the time. Being scrutinised and watched, your every move critically commented. I hate the 'fashion police' kind of style sections in magazines. Even when celebrities dress just fine, people find a way to slash them. I don't envy them the tiniest bit.
    I get how you can lose track of what's appropriate and looks good and what's not, especially as everybody seems to compete for attention and best looks and youth. It's all very sad, really.

  4. ha ha no of course these celebs don't have people to tell them when they look like a train wreck. So I must speak out and say: Mariah Carey if you're reading this please please can you stop wearing micro shorts and belly showing shirts you look so incredibly stupid.

  5. I do hope he calls her pet! lol
    I always get upset when I see Daryl Hannah's plastic surgery excess. She used to be so gorgeous.

  6. Oh you have made me laugh this evening. I'm scenting a new service you could offer. Sort of like the oppositte to a PR manager? A "Tell it straight" manager? Next move for you has got to be to Hollywood...

  7. I often wonder the same. And while we're on the subject... I know we're not mean to criticise this celebrity but Lovely Kate can stop the Dukan now. I feel all anxious when I see her like she'll break like a delicate china thing.

    Have had a nice read of your posts tonight--right on form!! (lots of the usual LOL's all at once!)

  8. Thank you Mish! And yes, Kate's looking a bit fragile. Maybe both her and Angie really are pregnant. If so, they must have dreadful morning sickness and I know their pain.

  9. I think they lose track of reality and lose their common sense. They live too sheltered from real life. Meryl Streep seems to do okay. She's sort of my inspiration when it comes to stars who don't lose their heads. I'm growing old gracefully myself, but then I'm not in the spotlights.

  10. Until now, I have managed to hide from all of this. I didn't see the Oscars or hear anything about them. So, thanks for the update, EPM, I think.

    Mike--crawling back under the rock

  11. You said it! What the HELL do they think they look like when they look in the mirror after all that surgery? Meryl looks great and so natural there's not many like her. I wanted to slap Angelina myself when I saw her do that thing with the leg. I loved how the next recipient got up there in his suit and completely took the pish outta her.

  12. "Does no one have the bottle.." ??


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